Of Hell and High Water
by celari
Summary: Harry returns for his 6th year at Hogwarts but something isn't right. What will happen when the Potions Master decides to take a closer look? Rated M for adult themes.
1. Chapter 1

Title:** Of Hell and High Water**

Rating: M for adult themes

In the story: The story jumps from Harry's to Severus's point of view, shown by the solid line.

cccccccc indicates later on

**A/N** Hey guys, this is my first f-fic so please be kind, constructive criticism is welcome and tell me if I get too soppy. R & R please!

**A/N 2**: Hey everyone. I have decided that i'm going to revamp some of the older chapters (I know the grammars not so great) while i'm doing some of the new ones. My beta is currently too busy to help, so if anyone is interested in proof reading some of the new chapters, please drop me a review or a private message. Thx : )

Chapter 1

_He felt the hands, groping, hitting, hurting. He tried to move, to fight back but_ _all his limbs were restrained. He heard the maniacal laughter, the stench of alcohol was near overpowering. He hurt so badly but there was nothing he could do; he was totally helpless. The darkness was stifling, he couldn't breathe… _

'_Turn him over' said the voice. Cold terror flooded through him as he realise what was about to happen…_

'HARRY, WAKE UP!' Ron yelled. He was becoming accustomed to waking his thrashing friend up in this manner. It was the third time this week after all. The emerald green eyes snapped open as he toppled off the bed. Harry gritted his teeth against the pain flooding through his body, his left arm by far the most of all which he covered protectively as he looked up to see his friend's concerned face.

'Another vision?' Ron asked worriedly.

'Just a nightmare' he muttered.

'You want some water?' Harry gave a mute nod; he was shaking in an effort to not cry out. The second Ron turned around he pulled a blue vial from his pocket, uncorked it and took a large mouthful. Quickly he put it away as Ron came back. He felt his muscles start to relax as the pain relief potion began to take effect.

Ron looked at the pale teen, trembling slightly on the floor before him. He had known that 6th year wasn't going to be easy for any of them, Harry particularly, but he was becoming more and more worried that Harry needed help. He handed over the glass and took Harry's right arm, heaved him up onto the bed, ignoring Harry's flinch at the touch of his hand.

'You wanna talk?'

'No.' Harry felt bad at pushing Ron away, he did it to Hermione too, but neither of them could help. The truth would only upset and disgust them, and he realised that he would have to let them go eventually. People close to him just got hurt.

Both teens went back to bed, or Harry at least pretended to. As soon as he heard Ron's rather loud snores, he crept down to the common room, relit the fire with his wand and began rereading and adding things to the essays they had been given for homework. It was still early Friday morning and no one else was awake.

Harry had began to like homework this year. Homework didn't bite or demand answers to questions he couldn't give. It didn't ask him why he hated physical contact or things to that extend. It was safe and it gave him an excuse not to talk to other people. As a result he was receiving better marks. Hermione thought it was brilliant, of course, and Ron though it slightly strange but acceptable. Harry never told them the real reason for his interest- he said it was because he needed better marks to become an auror, although personally he doubted he would live that long.

As time pasted, people started rising and getting ready to face the last day of the first week of term. Harry went to dress and wake Ron. When they were ready they met Hermione and went down for breakfast with the rest of the early risers. They had taken to it to avoid the rest of the school stares, or so Harry said, they still gave The-Boy-Who-Lived funny looks for telling the truth about Voldemort's return. Actually Harry liked it because then they could escape the rush of students trying to get to class. He hated being jostled in a crowd getting to lessons. It was awkward for him not to mention painful.

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It was their second last lesson of the day and Harry had desperately been trying to think of a way of getting his broken left arm mended without drawing attention to himself. He had to do it today. Ron said he wanted to play quidditch that afternoon or Saturday morning and it would look strange if Harry refused his favourite game. He had already looked up various potions, stronger than the ones he had used before, but all required ingredients he could not get and the thought of stealing them from the Potions Master scared him. Merlin knew what Snape would do to him if he got caught and then he would be asked what he wanted them for… No, potions were out of the question and the spells he had researched were too advanced, he didn't want to risk getting it wrong and losing all his bones again like Lockhart had done in second

The bell rang and they got up to leave. Normally Harry would wait for the crowd to pass but it was potions next and he didn't want to be late for that. True, Snape had laid off him since his godfather's death but not that much.

He felt the prick of tears at the thought of Sirius, the heavy burden of guilt and grief, but he quickly brushed them away. Now was not the time. He wouldn't give the professor something to use against him.

* * *

Severus Snape rubbed his temples in an effort to rid himself of the migraine he felt coming. He was not in the best of moods. His Dark Mark had been aching on and off all day and it had been a long week.

As he made his way to the dungeons, his thoughts turned to Harry Potter.

All the teachers had been told to keep an eye on him since his idiot godfather's demise. The boy had been acting out of character, he had noticed in one of the earlier lessons that week. He had been skittish almost, stepping back when someone came close, starting at loud noises, especially when Longbottom had blown up his cauldron, stupid boy. Merlin alone knew why, or how, Longbottom had made it to 6th year potions.

Snape waited in the shadows of a corner while the class of Gryffidors and Slytherins walked through the winding corridor and down the stairs to the dungeons. He saw the raven head in the mass, near the back with Weasley and Granger. The boy stopped at the head of the stair to tie his shoe, gesturing for the other two to go on. Snape curiously watched as Potter pulled a blue vial from his pocket, take two mouthfuls and put it away…

* * *

Harry took two large mouthfuls from his blue vial and put it away. An idea had hit him: stairs. If he accidentally fell down the stairs and broke his arm it wouldn't look suspicious at all. He took a deep breath, made sure no one was looking back at him and let his body fall. He tumbled down the stairs, bouncing, spinning, rolling and landed in a heap at the bottom. He was immensely glad that he had doubled dosed on the potion. He was going to hurt after it wore off.

Hermione and Ron rushed forward to her friend's side, the rest of the Gryffidors also coming to lend their help to their fallen comrade.

Harry feigned pain, setting his teeth and grimacing -which wasn't hard with so many people so close to him and staring at him. His hand unconsciously felt for the small rock hanging around his neck.

Snape strode over to see what the commotion was about…

* * *

Severus strode over to see what the commotion was about, though he already knew. He saw Potter being helped up, cradling his left arm. He bent to look at it. It was immediately obvious that it was broken, Severus just wanted to see how Potter would react. As he reached out to examine the arm he felt the boy flinch away and nearly step back. It was only Granger and Weasley, who were standing too close behind, that stopped him. Suspicions were beginning to form in the back of his mind. He released the limb and snapped at the red head to go to Hospital Wing with him.

The rest of the class went in and did as they were told, starting the potion they were brewing and making notes.

Thirty minutes or so later, the Potter came in, and started on the potion as well. The class was working silently, if not a bit restless, waiting for the period to end. He decided it was safe to go put some notes in his office. He got up, gave the class a glare for good measure and opened the adjacent door to his office.

As he deposited the papers in the draw, he heard a crash in the classroom. He sighed. He should of known better. It was impossible to leave these two particular houses together for more than five minutes without them trying to kill each other. Quickly he took a swig from the migraine potion that always stood on his desk.

He went through and into the room only to see Potter and Malfoy facing each other, wands out, ready to attack. Seeing Snape, they both quickly lowered their wands and stepped back.

'Detention Potter' Snape sneered. The Gryffidors glared at him, whispering angrily while the Slytherins smirked. Potter looked down in a resigned fashion. That was definitely not what he had expected, normally Potter would be furious at the injustice and glare at him.

The bell sounded and the class packed up quickly, eager to escape to the weekend.

'Put all samples on my desk, Potter stay behind to arrange your detention. Class dismissed.' Snape said idly, his thoughts elsewhere.

* * *

Harry packed his things and walked over the front of the classroom, stopping just short of the desk Snape stood behind. The professor looked at him but he refused to meet his eyes, instead he looked at his feet. He cursed himself. Why did he have to rise to Malfoy's bait?

'Potter, the headmaster wishes you to start occlumency again.' Snape said coldly, he didn't sound happy. Harry felt himself pale. Snape would be able to get inside his head again. No, he couldn't allow Snape, of all people, to see _those_ memories. But what could he do?

'I assure you I am not looking forward to it either.' Snape sneered, Harry could hear the mockery in Snape's voice at his reaction.

'Your first lesson shall be on Thursday 8 o'clock, next week and your detention on Monday, same time. Do not be late Potter.' With that the potion master turned and walked out the room, cloak billowing behind him.


	2. Chapter 2

Hi everyone! So sorry about the formatting in the last chapter, it didn't work how i thought it would. So to try make up for it heres a double update ;-) enjoy!

**Chapter 2**

After breakfast the next morning, the two boys rushed to get their broomsticks and continued down to the quidditch pitch. Hermione was left in the common room, behind a pile of books, rolling her eyes at their behaviour.

The moment Harry kicked off the ground, he felt all his worries drop away. He raced around the pitch, rolling, diving, and even doing the odd somersault. It still amazed him, the glorious sensation of flying. _You'd think after more than 5 years I'd be used to it_, he thought.

They practised for a while, Harry attempting to get the quaffle into the hoops, and seldom exceeding. Ron had got really good over the summer.

A long while later, they tramped back to the castle, cheerfully talking about the International Quidditch League and their favourite teams. Harry was beginning to feel the potion wearing off.

He patted his pockets, trying to find the small vial. It wasn't there.

_Crap_ he thought, mentally running through of places he could of left it. Oh well, there's more in my trunk. Nobody could connect him to it, could they? _No, I'm being paranoid that's all, it's not like it's got my name on_. He was so immersed in thought he didn't hear Malfoy and co. coming up behind them until…

'Well if it isn't Weasel and Potty, padding around the castle' Harry didn't miss the reference to his godfather's animagus form. The two ignored him.

'Well it seems as though the mutt, I mean, smuck is ignoring me.'

'Shut up' Harry growled.

'Or what, you going to _bite _me?' Malfoy was thoroughly enjoying getting a rise out of them so quickly. Crabbe and Goyle laughed though it was clear they didn't get the joke.

'Buggar off, Malfoy' said Ron, drawing his wand.

'Now now, Weasel no need to get violent. We're not dogs you know.' Malfoy's two cronies step forward, cracking their knuckles threateningly. Harry stepped back, memories beginning to seep into his mind, _pain, darkness, a man standing over him_…

'Is there a problem here?' Came the icy voice of the Potions Master behind them.

* * *

Severus walked up quietly behind the boys, it was rather obvious that Malfoy and Potter were having a go at it again. He watched as Malfoy taunted the greened-eyed teen while Weasley stood up for him. But aside from telling the blond boy to shut up, Potter was unusually quiet, his hands rolled into fists and an unfathomable look on his face.

As Weasley drew his wand he decided it was time to step in.

'Is there a problem here?' he said icily. They all jumped, Potter's hand flew to his wand pocket. The child looked like he was about to bolt, but Snape was in the way. He smirked slightly; he hadn't lost his knack for scaring people.

'No sir, we were merely having a friendly discussion' came Malfoy's smooth reply.

After he dealt with them, docking a few points from Gryffidor- which caused Weasley to mutter something under his breath- he sent them to their common rooms. He stalked along the dungeons to his personal lab and started on a batch of potions for the infirmary.

All of a sudden, he felt his left arm explode with pain, gasping he nearly fell on his knees. There was a crash of glass as the box of empty vials he had been carrying dropped to the floor.

He was being summoned.

* * *

(Later that evening)

The trio of friends sat in the common room: Ron was playing Wizarding Chess with Dean, Hermione was using her wand to knit small jerseys (she had progressed from woolly hats) with the letters S.P.E.W. on the front, while talking to Ginny about some campaign. Harry sat working on his potions essay. Hermione had already finished hers and Ron had not made it into the class this year. Harry had to admit he was more than amazed he was able to take it, so he worked extra hard to give Snape no reason to throw him out the class. He glanced at his watch, it was getting late. Suddenly he felt as if his scar had burst into flame, he let out a yelp of surprise, clutching his forehead, squeezing his eyes shut.

'Harry? Harry!' some one was shaking him by the shoulders. 'Harry, are you OK?' The voice, no voices sounded concerned and frightened.

'Yes' he replied gruffly, pushing the hand away and trying to stand. He felt a bit disorientated and hazy. It didn't help someone was touching his shoulders and face.

'Come on, lets go back to the dorm, Harry.' Ron's voice sounded so far away… He nearly fell over; hands caught him and grudging he allowed himself to be guided up the stairs to the boy's dormitory. As he sat on his bed, the haze began to disappear leaving him with a headache.

'Harry, what happened?' Hermione asked, worry evident in her tone.

'He's really angry.' That was all he said but his friends understood. Harry had started having flashes of the Dark Lord's emotions last year so this wasn't exactly new.

'Get some rest Harry, you look like your going to collapse.' Hermione said gently.

He did what he was told, wondering vaguely as sleep wrapped around him what Voldemort was so angry about...

.

_He was floating above a circular stone room. It was cold. Voldemort sat on a throne like chair, the flickering torchlight throwing shadows across his reptilian face, his red slit eyes focused on the man knelt before him._

'_You have failed, have you not?' His high, cold voice cut the air._

'_I am sorry my lord I tried, please forgive m-' but the Dark Lord cut him off._

'_Crucio!'_

_The man screamed in agony as the curse hit him, he lay on the floor, his body convulsing in spasms as the spell inflicted suffering on him no man ever could._

_Suddenly the curse was lifted, the man's body stilled, his breathing ragged. He lifted his head but when Voldemort caught the movement he spoke the curse again._

_Harry gasped in shock as his Potions Master's tortured screams filled his head…_

_.  
_

Harry jolted awake, his scar searing, as he felt the cold water hit him. He looked up, pressing himself into the headboard of the bed as he saw the blurry figures standing over him.

Four concerned faces stared down at him, Neville holding the glass, which had contained water. Harry relaxed slightly, his hand feeling for the small rock hanging around his neck.

'Sorry, you wouldn't wake up.' Neville said sheepishly.

'You all right then?' Dean asked.

'Yeah, just a dream, sorry.' Harry slipped out of the bed, dried himself with his wand and put on his dressing gown and glasses.

'Had us right worried mate, you sure?' said Seamus, noticing Harry's paler than usual face.

'Yeah, just go back to sleep, I'll be fine.' Harry managed to say this in a much calmer voice than he felt. He ached all over, he must have been thrashing around during the vision.

He walked out the room, down into the common room, pulling out his vial as he did.

He was sipping from it just as he heard the soft footfalls behind him.

_Damn_it...

'What's that then?' Ron queried.

'Um, um,' _come on think! _'Just a potion to stop me having more, erm, visions.'

He managed to splutter out. How could he have forgotten about Ron?

'Oh,' Ron sounded a bit suspicious 'We going to see Dumbledore?'

'If its OK, Ron, I'd prefer to go on my own'

'Um, OK.' Ron sounded hurt but he tramped up the stairs up to the dorm nevertheless.

As Harry crept down the corridors and the stairs to Dumbledore's office, his scar twinged unpleasantly, the potion only working on physical pain.

_Snape must really be getting it _he thought

He thought about the man he had come to respect, though he would never admit it. He no longer blamed his godfather's death on him as he had at the end of last year. It was not Snape's fault Sirius had died, it was his and his alone. Though it was hard to let go years of mutual loathing. And it definitely didn't stop Snape hating him, he wouldn't be happy if he found out what Harry seen that. And however much he may have respected the older man, it didn't stop the fear that Harry felt.

Harry contemplated not telling the Headmaster, but quickly dropped the idea. It wasn't going to help anyone, though he didn't think that Volemort had tried to kill Snape- he would of known. There were a few upsides of curse scars.

He was brought out of his reflections upon arriving at the gargoyle in front of Dumbledore's office. He spoke the password (lemon drops) and dutifully clambered up the winding stairwell to tell the headmaster of his vision.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

The rest of the weekend the evil Potion Master did not make an appearance at meals or else where. Ron and Hermione speculated various reasons, all Hermione's logical and most of Ron's absolutely ridiculous. Harry pretended to go a long with it, he had promised Dumbledore he wouldn't tell anyone.

Monday flew past in a whirl of lessons and all to soon Harry was approaching the door to the potions classroom with much trepidation.

He knocked, somewhat softly.

'Enter.' came the voice from within.

He opened the door and went in. Snape sat at his desk grading papers.

He stood uncertainly waiting for instructions, wondering what dreadful punishment he was going to have to endure. He shifted uncomfortably as the professor's gaze fell upon him.

'You are going to re-stack and take an inventory of the stock cupboards, Potter'

Not so dreadful then.

'The list is there,' Snape pointed at one of the desks and it appeared, at the back of the classroom, near the cupboards. 'Get started.'

One and a half-hours later Harry didn't think the detention was going badly: he was on to the last cupboard and Snape hadn't bothered him once. But he was going to need to take his potion soon, and he couldn't here: it was too risky. He would have to wait and get through this as quickly as possible

He reached forward to open the doors…

.

* * *

Severus was battling to concentrate on grading the stack of papers in front of him.

His head ached, as did the rest off him, he still had not recovered fully Dark Lord's displeasure of finding out of his unsuccessful mission.

Shaking his head, he continued to try and mark the papers, though he didn't really intend to. He had, in fact, been watching Potter for most of the evening, trying to catch him drinking from that vial he had seen on Friday.

He had not tried to as far as Snape could tell. Though he noticed Harry's movements were slowly becoming more and more stiff, as if pained. He sat, lost in thought when suddenly…

**CRACK **

Snape jumped in his seat, startled at the noise. He looked up to see a large, beefy man stepping out one of the store's cupboard, his face was purple with fury, looking like an enraged bull. He advanced on the boy. Potter was backing away from him, a looked of shock and terror on his face.

'N-no, no, please, no' he stuttered, his back now against the wall. The man was opening his mouth to yell as Snape stepped round the desk and forward, catching his attention.

**CRACK**

Wisps of smoke, surrounded a tall snake-like man. He turned his red slit eyes to face his turned death-eater, sending shivers down the Potion Master's spine, as he was about to say something Snape drew out his wand.

'_Ridikulas_' he hissed and the boggart disappeared in a flash of smoke. He did not like people knowing his greatest fear, particularly Potter.

But he needn't have worried, the-boy-who-lived was crouched over in a ball against the wall, his arms protectively across his face, rocking slightly and muttering pitifully under his breath.

.

* * *

Harry never registered Snape speaking the spell or anything else, seeing the two men he hated and feared most in under a minute combined with the hell he had experienced and stress of protecting his secret had caused his mind to temporarily shut down.

He was unaware he was on the floor, all he saw was the memories flashing before his eyes.

_The man standing over him, yelling at him, raising his arm to back-hand the boy before him… blood everywhere, feathers on the table, that burning smell… pain, fear, hunger, darkness…_

Vaguely he heard his name being called, as he started coming out of his trance-like state, two very heavy things hit him.

One: Snape had seen.

Two: The same man was standing less than three feet from him, wand in hand, reaching out to touch him.

Total panic swept over him, he shot up, sided-stepped and flew out the classroom at a dead run, his feet pounding down the stone corridors of the dungeons and away.

* * *

.

A stunned Snape picked himself off the floor. He had not known Potter's defensive magic was so strong. Though he should of, it had kept the boy alive on more than one occasion.

He needed to see the Headmaster.

.

* * *

As Harry slowed down, he realised that he was in the corridor where the Defence against the Dark Arts classroom was. He took some potion and calming his breathing, began to walk along it, his mind in turmoil. He needed somewhere to think.

Just then the door on his right opened, and Lupin walked out, a sheaf on papers under one arm. With no one else willing to undertake the DADA teaching post at Hogwarts, Dumbledore had been able to give Lupin back the job. 5 teachers in 5 successive years seemed to have eliminated any likely candidates and scared off all the others.

_Damn, Damn, Damn..._

Lupin had been watching Harry, especially now after Sirius's death. Harry was sure he felt obliged to step in for his deceased best friend, ironic seeing as it was Harry's fault he was dead.

'Alright Harry?' he asked.

'Yeah, just fine professor.' _Please don't let him ask me in for tea, please don't le-_

'You want to come in for some tea?' _Damn_

'I'd love to but I've got a stack of essays to write' he lied, this was useless, like Snape, Lupin always knew if he wasn't telling the truth. Something to do with his werewolf senses. His teacher gave him a strange look, Harry could see the hidden hurt and something else in his eyes.

'Right, maybe another time.'

'OK.' Harry quickly walked off, making his way to the old forgotten room where the Mirror of Erise used to stand, now empty and devoid of life. He sat against the wall, and started to think through his predicament.

.

* * *

'You wanted to see me Severus?' Dumbledore asked, his voice light and cheerful.

'Yes Headmaster, I wanted to know if any other teacher had commented or complained of Potter's behaviour in class.' As always his words were precise and to the point.

'As a matter of fact, Professor McGonagall was in here earlier, said she had queries as to why Harry was so jumpy, other than that no, though it appears his marks have shot up.' Dumbledore's voice had taken on a slightly grave tone. 'Why do you ask?'

'I wonder,' said Snape avoiding the question, 'if I may be allowed to…investigate some… incidents involving the boy.'

'What kind of incidents?'

'Nothing of real importance, merely a feeling'

'Of course, you will let me now if you find something?'

'Yes Headmaster.' With that the Potion Master left, leaving a slightly perplexed Dumbledore to his thoughts.

* * *

Hi guys ;-) Me again... is there anyone out there who would be interested in beta'ing? It would be much apreciated! If you're interested email at Please review!


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

'Harry!' Hermione near yelled.

'W-what? Oh sorry.'

They were just leaving second period Herbology where they had had to re-pot mature Mandrake plants - not a nice job by anyone's standards, even Neville's.

'I said are you sure you're alright?'

'She's right mate, you seem really out of it.' Ron's voice came from behind, startling him slightly. Hermione frowned at this.

'Come on or we'll be late for Transfigurations, you know what McGonagall's like if we're late.' Harry pulled his cloak round him tighter; the weather was taking a turn for the worst, though the cool air wasn't the only reason. They hurried on, getting into the classroom just as the second bell rung. What proceeded was a very complicated theory lesson on how to transfigure small inanimate objects into large animated ones. An hour and a foot long homework essay later and the trio walked into the Great hall for lunch, Ron complaining about the homework load which was steadily increasing.

Harry was beginning to get more and more nervous, they had potions next. What was Snape going to do? Harry was pretty sure he'd be angry. He had somehow thrown the teacher across the room, run from him and perhaps worst of all: Snape had seen his greatest fear. Harry ate even less than he normally did, which wasn't very much. They left the hall just before the bell rung, Ron walking with them as he had a free period.

* * *

.

He had been watching Potter all day and whatever suspicions he had had, were hardening. People didn't normally act that way, and Severus had had too much contact with those who did. Still he found part of him hoping that the boy was doing it to gain attention. Only time would tell.

The Gryffidors and Slytherins sat in the classroom. All talking ceased as he walked in the room. His presence always had that effect on the students. Potter was sitting at the back with one sidekick, an apprehensive and nervous look on his face. He seemed to sink further down into his chair as the Potions Master's eyes turned to him.

'Today we will be brewing a cough relief potion for the infirmary. Remember to be light-handed with the root of spliget, as it is highly addictive. The instructions,' he waved his wand 'are on the board. You have one hour.'He was too distracted by his thoughts to be his usual nasty self. The students hurriedly pulled out their potions kit and got to work. Snape was notorious for setting difficult potions that didn't allow room for error, and sometimes, well actually most times, they were pressed for time.

He stalked round the room, watching with an experienced eye, checking to make sure none of the class blew themselves up. He came to the back, coming up behind Potter. His foot crunched on a bit of willow bark that had fallen to the floor. The boy jumped and spun round, expressions of dread and panic on his face. Quickly he covered them with a blank one.

'Well done Potter, ten minutes in and you have already ruined your potion. You have broken Longbottom's record.'

…..

Harry glanced down at the potion, which was supposed to be red, but was in fact acid green.

The Slytherins sniggered. Harry felt himself colour slightly, but he didn't reply. Snape would no doubt give him another detention. The evil man in question vanished the contents of his cauldron, so he started again, though he didn't think he would have enough time. He worked hastily, trying to catch up. He didn't want to give his professor something else to comment on. But as he expected, by the end of the period he wasn't finished. He walked out of the dungeons in a bad mood, and it didn't help when Hermione gave him reproachful looks. As she saw it, he should have concentrated more. She was, of course, right but with Snape pacing the classroom he couldn't, it just made him fret. Harry was just relieved that he hadn't mentioned anything of the previous evening. Malfoy would have loved that.

They met up with Ron and went on to Charms, their last lesson of the day.

.

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(Later the same day)

Snape was striding through the infirmary door with a box of potion for the nurse's stores.

He had come for a check-up after Saturday's escapades, Dumbledore had insisted. He was quite happy to self medicate; he could made whichever potion he needed. But the headmaster reasoned that he might miss something and continually requested, well, told him to go. Poppy looked up from the cabinet she was rummaging in.

'Uh, thank you Severus, if you would put the box on the side and take a seat.' Snape knew the drill; he had been doing it since his school days. She examined him, clicking her tongue fussily. Finally she declared fit to leave.

'Just one thing, Poppy.'

'Yes?' The nurse continued bustling round the room while she spoke.

'When Potter came in on Friday did you notice anything…unusual?

'No, except… well except for some one who had just fallen down the stairs he had no marks, no bruising, nothing, I just found it a bit strange.'

'Anything else?'

'Umm, oh yes, Ronald Weasley was with him, startled him by accident, child flew half way across the room.'

'Thank you.' with that he left.

.

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.

Harry grabbed his invisibility cloak and map and headed out of the portrait hole. It was late but sleep held no interest to him. It only contained the odd vision and very real nightmares. Harry shuddered, they were getting worse. His hand went automatically to the stone, one of his few lifelines. It felt comfortably heavy round his neck. Armed with that and his potion he was all right. He could fight the war, save the world and perhaps then find something constructive to do with his life.

He was filled suddenly with anger, it was so unfair! Everything he loved got taken away, and everyone he loved, killed.

And it was all his fault.

No wonder uncle Vernon said those things about him, made Harry repeat them. Every word was true. By this time Harry's feet had taken him to the top of the Astronomy Tower. He sat down on the slate roof tiles, pondering. The edge of the building looked sinisterly inviting.

Could he do that? Could he take his own life and end the misery? Could he leave every one to do what he was meant to? The questions pummelled him from all angles, and as usual one stuck.

Could he murder Voldemort? That's what everything came down to, in the end. Only one would survive, the prophecy had said, only one. He thought deeply, so much was expected of him, how could he do it? He had never felt so alone in his life. He glanced at his watch, three in the morning, he would have to go back, If Ron saw his empty bed, he would get upset.

Poor Ron had been so shocked by him in the infirmary, though he should have known not to come up behind him and put his hand on his back, of all places. Harry had noticed that he and Hermione were being a bit protective lately. It touched him that they cared, but that would only make the inevitable parting harder.

Sighing, he stretched his stiff muscles gently, absently took some potion and began the long walk back to the Gryffidor tower.


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Hey guys! so sorry it has taken so long to update but i've had problems editing this one. I'll try update more regularly from now on, please be patient. Thx

**Chapter 5**

He didn't know what to do with himself, he was too fidgety to do homework and there wasn't enough time to go anywhere else. His lesson with Snape was in less than twenty minutes. He was beginning to get jumpy, starting at bangs from some fist years playing Exploding Snap. He wished he had gone to the library with his friends, at least then he would have something to do.

He flopped down on his bed, trying to clear his mind, he had been doing so all day in class. So far as he could tell, it wasn't working. Hermione had been chiding him all day about just spacing out and not concentrating but Harry was worried about how he was going to stop Snape seeing certain memories. The Potions Master had not seen them last year but then he didn't know why. Luck was his guess.

He decided it was time to go down to the dungeons, stepped out the portrait and made his way down the stairs. Walking past the owlery, he felt a pang of loss. Hedwig was gone, the only one he felt, who had really understood him. She had always been there after, after… No, don't think about it. Now wasn't the time.

Quickly he passed the passages of classrooms and neared the entrance hall. Stopping in the shadows just to one side he took a gulp of potion- not a lot in case it made him relax too much. Slowly he descended the dungeon stairs and walked along to the classroom door. Gathering himself, trying to control his dread and anxiety, he knocked.

'Enter'

He did so, keeping a little distance from the desk his teacher sat at. Snape looked up appraisingly at him. Harry hated that look; it felt like the professor was trying to see straight through him. His nervousness was returning with a vengeance.

'Sit and we shall begin.'

Once seated Harry looked up, his composure only just in tact. He really didn't know how he was going to get through it, if not even five minutes in he felt like this.

'We are going to try a different approach from last time Potter, as that undoubtedly failed.' This came with an unfathomable look. 'But it isn't going to work unless there is a bigger attempt on your part. Occlumency requires practice and dedication and will not be achieved with sub-standard efforts.' The last part he said in a menacing tone. Harry agreed wholeheartedly, it was his failure at this last year that had lead to Sirius' death; he was going to do this. The guilt pressed heavily on him.

'Yes sir.' He never met the professors' eyes.

'Right. I want you to imagine a wall'

'A wall, sir?' He looked up, surprised.

'It is not a very hard concept Potter'

'What sort?'

'What ever you wish, imagine it in detail; clear all other thoughts from your mind.'

Harry was trying to do so, but part of him would not lose track of everything and concentrate. He was constantly aware of the Potions Master.

'Let go Potter' Harry was not about to just 'let go', he couldn't.

'You're not doing it, Potter' How did the evil git know?

'I'm trying' Harry muttered, on receiving a look from Snape quickly added 'sir'

'Try harder, again.' What did he expect of him? He could not just drop all his defences in an attempt to build new ones, in the presence of a man. Particularly this man. Bad things happened when he dropped his guard.

After a few more attempts Harry still hadn't managed it. He couldn't do what the man was asking and it was making him uneasy.

'Now Potter, I want you to imagine the wall around your mind and memories. Make it like a barrier between you and an intruder. Clear your emotions and focus on your wall.' Harry was trying, but he knew what was coming next and that distracted him even more as he carefully watched Snape. Apparently the former death eater noticed.

'Potter I assure you I am not going to jump you, now focus.' His voice was irritated, which only furthered Harry's agitation.

'Ready yourself, Legilimens.'

Harry gasped as the spell crashed against his thin mental shield.

.

* * *

.

Snape carefully tempered down the spell just before it hit the boy, making it weaker. There was no way the boy would block his full power, he had been surprised he had managed it at all last year. But then again he had not exactly been trying his hardest to educate the boy in the art. That had partly led to that fiasco at the Ministry of Magic. Anyhow the child was not about to do it in his present state of mind, he refused to let himself go completely.

He felt a jolt as the spell hit the barrier in Potter's mind, felt the child franticly trying to maintain it, but Snape pushed on a little harder, curious to see what memories were there.

_A small child running from a bulldog; looking down in bewilderment from the top of a building he hadn't been on a moment before; conversing in Parselmouth to a large Boa Constrictor; the thrill of riding a broomstick for the first time; Cedric Diggory's lifeless body lying discarded on the ground, a dark stone room…_

'Gaaaaah' Potter yelled: he was kneeling on the ground, clutching his head, his glasses askew.

Severus had easily dodged whichever defensive spell the child had, no doubt obliviously, used to get him out of his head. What had that last bit of memory been?

He wanted to find out.

'Get up Potter and we shall try again.'

.

* * *

.

He got to his feet. It was rather typical that Snape would find that memory first time, it had been all he could do to keep the man out of it. And judging by the look Snape had on his face it wasn't going to stay that way for long.

Nervously he looked at the door, if all was shot he could run. He imagined the wall, a high grey slate affair, much like the ones used in prisons, as that's what his mind felt like.

'On three Potter, one – two – three - Legilimens'

The spell hit him, stronger than before, pushing its way through his defences and flitting through his memories, as it hit his latest vision it slowed, as if to watch. Harry didn't know Snape could do this, furiously he tried to get the man out as the memory started to play out.

He felt the presence in his mind being forced outward, he pushed harder, battling against an unseen foe. The presence withdrew and his mind was freed. He realised he was on the floor again. Slowly he got up, trembling slightly. Snape would not be happy. He stared at his feet.

.

* * *

.

The Potion Master looked at the child in front of him, vaguely amused that Potter seemed to think he was going to punish him. True, he didn't like people, well actually, loathed people knowing about his affairs, particularly those ones, but Potter looked like he was about to bolt.

'Well Potter, it seems you can do it with the right motivation.' His voice was cuttingly sarcastic. The boy was pale, shaking slightly, he was unsure if it was from the mental strain or the fear or reprimand. Probably both. Potter had been jittery all evening, Snape wondered if he was hiding something.

'Once more.' He was sure the boy would be unable to shield a secret after the prolonged exertion. Especially as he was becoming more distracted and unfocused.

He entered his student's mind, easily overcoming the barrier. Memories flooded round him, carefully he pushed deeper, ignoring Potter's feeble resistance. Searching he found what he was looking for. There was a blackness there, a fog almost, obscuring something. Curiously he moved to it. He felt a tug, a desperate attempt from the boy to free himself. Snape relented, he had found what he wanted. Untangling himself, he released Potter's mind, coming into the present.

Potter was struggling to his feet but as he finally managed to stand, the Potions Master could see it wasn't going to last long.

Quickly he strode round the desk...

.

* * *

.

Harry staggered, he was on the verge of unconsciousness. He hadn't managed to keep Snape out but then something had happened… he had somehow protected his memories. He was so tired… he swayed, and suddenly Snape moved forward, toward him. Harry tried to move away but before he knew it, darkness engulfed him.

.

* * *

.

Severus caught the boy as he collapsed. The child was rather light. He cursed himself: he had pushed him too hard for his current abilities. But Potter had been doing occlumency, only on certain memories as well, that was extremely difficult.

He deposited the limp body on one of the chairs in the classroom and quickly went to his private stores for a potion to give the boy. He selected two and went back. Pushing the boy's head back and opening his mouth, the Potions Master poured the fluid in and put his hand over Potter's mouth and nose. Using his other hand he pressed on either side of the youth's trachea. He found that it was the most effective way to force down liquids.

The boy coughed and spluttered, getting his bearing. On seeing him, Potter jumped, wrenching back and away from him.

.

* * *

.

Harry looked round wildly, what was going on? One minute they were battling it out in his mind the next he had Snape leaning over him, far too close, an empty vial in one hand and a full one in the other.

'Here, drink this.' Snape was not being as sardonic as usual.

He looked at the potion. He did not want to drink it, he had a massive headache and the rest of him hurt something terrible. He was sure he could feel blood running down his back. What he needed was his own brew, which was in his pocket and he needed to get out.

'It's not poison, Potter' Snape said sharply.

'What is it, sir?' He wished the man would back up slightly and give him some space.

'Just a mental boosting potion'

Harry didn't think taking it was optional. Taking a deep breath, he knocked back the contents of the small glass container. It was not pleasant tasting.

'Next week your lesson will be on Tuesday, same time. You may go.'

Harry didn't need to be told twice, he was out of the classroom in record time. He made his way along to the fifth floor bathrooms, medicating himself as he went.

.

* * *

.

Severus watched the boy race out the classroom. He was still pale but there was nothing Snape could give him for that after the other two, they would not act well with anything else.

He glanced down, something catching eye; he was startled to find his hand stained red. The blood was not his own, he had no cuts. That meant it was Potter's.

More pieces in the puzzle.

He was determined to get to the bottom of this in their next lesson.

.

* * *

.

Harry locked the door, it was late and he wasn't likely to be disturbed but it paid to be cautious. He started striping off his robes and shirt, until he was bare from the waist up. He looked over his shoulder and into the mirror behind him. His back wasn't a pretty sight.

Ignoring all the other abrasions and damage, he focused his attention on a large laceration in the small of his back. This one refused to heal, it continually opened. Grabbing some toilet paper he tried to staunch the little rivers of blood. It was difficult, doing it behind him. Once done, he awkwardly pointed at it with his wand, muttering the appropriate cleaning spell. Harry studied it carefully.

It was deep and ragged, in an awkward position and unhealthy looking. He was worried it was getting infected. Tomorrow he would try to look up a healing spell.

Conjuring some gauze and a bit of tape, the sort used in muggle hospitals, he fixed up the injury as best he could and headed back to his dorm, cleaning his robes as he went.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

As he woke, Harry thought he was going to be sick. His head was pounding and he was shaking so badly, he could barely get his glasses on without poking himself in the eye. It was early; he still had his old sleeping habits of getting up at the crack of dawn. He lay down, struggling to calm the tremors running through his limbs. He wondered what could have brought it on. He didn't feel like he had flu, which was nothing like this, besides he couldn't even remember the last time he'd had that. The last time he had had symptoms like this was…

_Shit_

Second year he had taken two substances that reacted badly with each other.

What potions had Snape give him? A mental booster and something else, he'd been given two potions. He couldn't very well ask the Potion Master, especially in this state, what was he going to do? Harry thought on it, if his other experience was something to go by, he was going to get much worse. He shifted, trying to think of a plan.

What he needed something to take the potions from his system. The only place he could get that was Madam Pomfrey or Snape. How could he get them? Stealing them himself wasn't an option, he'd be caught easily. He couldn't ask anyone in Gryffidor or the other houses. There had to be another way.

As he lay, he became aware of quiet shuffling noises near the fireplace. He listened carefully, some one was moving around the room.

_Probably a house elf _he thought. He needed a plan…

Wait! A house elf, he could think of one in particular, would be able to do the job he couldn't. He stuck his out of his bed hangings only to find the elf he wanted about to leave.

'Wait' he called. The elf turned expectantly.

'Sorry, but you think you could get Dobby for me? He works in the kitchens, I think.'

'Yes, of course, young sir, whose must I says wants him sir?'

'Harry Potter'

'Course sir, hold on a minute.' The elf squeaked and he disappeared with a quiet _pop. _While he waited, Harry ran through the previous evening's events, he couldn't quite remember the last bit, only the desperate feeling when Snape reached deeper into to his mind. Had the professor seen anything? No, he didn't think so. With a POP rather louder than the other elf's, his thoughts were interrupted. Dobby appeared, looking around excitedly.

'Over here Dobby.' Harry beckoned.

'Yes Harry Potter, Jally is saying you's needing me.' His face fall slightly as he saw Harry's sick form on the bed, 'You is unwell Harry Potter, what is wrong?'

'I need your help Dobby, to make me better, will you help me?'

'Of course Harry Potter sir, if I's can.'

'You remember in fourth year when you stole some Gillyweed from Snape?' He received a nod from the elf. ' I need you to get me some medicine from the infirmary.'

'What sort?' Said a slightly less sure elf.

Harry went on to explain, telling the magical creature what to do and which substance was needed. Dobby left the same way he came. Awhile later he returned, Harry had been worrying as the time lengthened, he really couldn't let other people see him like this. But he also felt guilty, he was exploiting Dobby and he knew it.

'Here we's are Harry Potter sir's.' He squeaked handing over the small container.

'Everything go all right then? No one at the infirmary saw you?'

'Well, umm'

'What happened Dobby?' Harry was now alarmed.

'Well Harry Potter, there was none at the infirmary sir, so I got's it from the Potions Master's cupboard.'

'No one saw you?' Harry was inwardly hitting himself.

'No sir.'

'Right, thanks Dobby, maybe we can come round to the kitchens and visit this week end.' The elf's face split into a huge grin and he bobbed his head enthusiastically. With one last _POP_ the elf left. Harry sighed, if Snape found out, he didn't know what the man would do to him, he had been so mad about the Gillyweed in fourth year. And making Snape angry was definitely not on top of his to-do list.

He quickly made his way to the bathroom, holding onto the wall for support as he went. Closing the cubicle door he downed half the liquid, unsure as to how strong it was. He would stay there for at least twenty minutes in case it had some sort of reaction,

He sat on the floor to wait.

* * *

Severus was in a bad mood, he had walked into his office that morning to find his personal stores cupboard had been raided, one rather valuable potion lying on in a puddle in the floor. He was used to the occasional student breaking into the store cupboards for ingredients for potion that they probably shouldn't be making, but not his office. His day went down from there. 

He stalked along the corridors, scaring a few first years, his mood didn't improve as he thought of what was going to happen on the week-end. A mass death-eater meeting was not exactly something to look forward to. He wondered what it was about, Draco and Lucius had seemed excited and more malicious than usual about it than normal. Could it be an initiation? He sincerely hoped if it was that is was not not a Hogwarts student. Having death-eaters at Hogwarts would put him in a very dangerous position.

He had his last class of the day with the 6th years, meaning Potter and Draco. He sighed inwardly, who ever had come up the most brilliantly stupid idea of putting the two houses together ought to be hung. The lesson went on as usual, Potter starting at loud noises and trying very hard not to get the Potion Masters attention. The child therefore concentrated solely on his cauldron, only looking up now and again to check where he was. Snape didn't disturb him, keeping away, it didn't do him any good if Potter failed.

By the end of the lesson Snape was feeling just as restless as the students, he was just better at not showing it. The bell rang and dismissing the class, he quickly went to his office, grabbed an already packed bag of potions and clothes (he shrunk them to fit in his robe pocket.), he began the longish walk to Hogsmeade.

He had a meeting to attend.


	7. Chapter 7

Hey guys, i'd just like to say sorry about the eariler chapter mix up. And thx to every one who has reviewed! You are awesome! I'd aso like to thank beta for her hard work. 

**Chapter 7**

Harry prodded his friend half-heartedly, trying to make him wake up. 'Come on, Ron, wake up, Ron? RON!' this was useless. He pointed his wand at the sleeping form, and with one well placed water charm… 'GAH!' Came a very confused and grumpy yelp. 'Come on, we got Charms after breakfast.' Harry said tiredly. He had not had the best of weekends. Every time he went to sleep he was plagued with terrible nightmares and visions. After reporting his second vision in one night, he had been told of the mass Death Eater meeting and not to bother with telling someone unless it was life threatening. As a result he had slept very little and then not at all.

He went through the motions of breakfast, not noticing when people spoke to him and barely realising that he had taken in very little if any of the lessons before lunch. He sat picking at the food on his plate. He really needed to sleep, what lesson did they have next? Maybe he could skip it…

'HARRY!'

He looked up startled, to find Ron and Hermione waving a hand in front of his face.

'What? Oh, sorry.'

'Did you sleep at all last night?' Hermione asked. He shook his head.

'Visions?' He nodded.

'Maybe you should ask for a dreamless sleep potion or something because you can't go on like this,

Harry, Harry?' She snapped her fingers in front of his face.

He was trying to focus, he really was but concentration escaped him.

'Sorry, I'm just tired, what's now?'

'We have Transfigurations and then…'

Hermione stopped mid sentence, she called Harry's name and when that didn't work, Ron reached out to try and snap his best friend out of it, but the child shied back. They were now walking down the corridor leading to the Transfiguration classroom, but the bushy-haired teen could see her friend was in no state for classes. As they arrived, she told Ron to wait with Harry as she quietly knocked and entered.

'What can I do for you, Miss Granger?' Said Professor McGonigal, looking up from the desk she was working at.

'It's Harry, Professor, he acting really strange, I don't think he slept much on the weekend for … certain reasons.' She answered giving her teacher a significant stare as she spoke the last part.

'I see, and what are you wanting to do about it?'

'Umm, I don't know, maybe you could send him to the matron to get some dreamless sleep potion or something along those lines?' She questioned uncertainly, 'I know he'd be missing classes but I don't think he'd take much in anyway.' Hermione looked hopefully at her teacher.

'Where is Mr Potter at present?'

'Outside with Ron.'

'Right,' McGonigal pulled out her quill and some parchment as the bell signalling the end of lunch rang, 'You may take this' she handed over the parchment, 'and Mr Potter to the infirmary, please tell Mr Weasley to come in and join the class.' Hermione did as she was told, sending a disappointed Ron back into the room, she hadn't thought he would get to miss the lesson, as he hadn't been doing exceptionally well in it lately.

Gently she steered Harry to the infirmary and into the capable hands of the school matron.

'What seems to be the problem, Mrs Granger?' The motherly women inquired as she pointed at a bed for the supposedly ailing child to sit on.

'Well, he's, he's, just look at him. I don't think he's slept for three days and he just seems to...zone out' She said feeling a bit flustered.

The nurse did look, Potter was staring blankly at the wall opposite, seemingly unaware of anything. She waved a hand in front of his face, getting no reaction.

'Right he needs sleep, you can go back to class and I'll send him back to the Gryffindor common room later.' She ushered the girl out and focused on her patient.

She then did a quick check-up, noting the boy had no bruising of any sorts from his previous fall. Fetching a potion out of the stores cabinet, she made the child lie down and tried to administer it to him. However, much to her consternation, Harry refused to drink down the liquid, pursing his lips and pulling away. She quickly dealt with it, forcing his mouth open and using the same technique Snape had a few days prior.

* * *

Harry blinked, unable to focus his eyes before realising his glasses weren't on. No matter as he already knew where he was. Only the hospital wing had white curtains surrounding the beds. He wondered idly why he was there, quidditch practise would only starting a two weeks or so, so it couldn't be that. Vaguely he remembered a potion being forced down his throat and then peaceful bliss… wait had the matron seen anything? His hand flew to his neck, clutching the rock, which was hanging there reassuringly No, she couldn't have, or he'd be doing _a lot _of explaining about now. 

He swung his legs off the bed as he put on his glasses, feeling dizziness rush to his head, and the only thought in his head was _ouch_! He started however, as two hands pushed him firmly down on the bed. 'Steady, Potter, you can go in a moment.' He hadn't realised the medi-witch was there. He forced himself to calm down instantly, hoping she didn't notice anything unusual in his behaviour and doing his best no to wince when she touched painful areas as she proceeded to check his temperature, pulse and other vitals. He knew she wasn't doing it intentionally, she couldn't have known but that didn't stop it hurting.

Finally he was declared fit to leave and was ordered to go back to the Gryffindor dorm and straight to bed. He left, reaching into his pocket for his pain-relief potion, as it obviously didn't react with the other potion he'd been given. Soon after he managed to climb through the portrait-hole, having successfully avoided being caught walking around so late after curfew. Quietly he slipped into his bed, not bothering to change. His short walk had tired him out more than it should but then his already damaged body was still not quite over the 72 hours without sleep period he had endured, so now it was demanding sleep to try and repair itself.

Shortly after he closed his eyes he fell into a fitful sleep. 

He was in the dark, windowless corridor he knew led to the Department of Mysteries, following someone up ahead of him, who he recognised as his godfather. He hurried to try and catch up, but the faster he moved the further the man seemed. 'Sirius' he yelled ' Sirius, wait up, Sirius!' Why wasn't the man listening?

The man had reached the door, began to open it.

'No, Sirius' Harry practically screamed, ' No, no, SIRIUS_!' He reached the door as his godfather stepped into the room on the other side, he tried desperately to run after him, but all of a sudden he couldn't move. 'Please don't go, Sirius' he begged 'they'll kill y-.' Harry stopped dead as the man turned round, his haunted eyes stared at Harry accusingly, as he turned again and started to walk towards the middle of the room where the raised dais stood with the peculiar archway in the middle, and climbed onto it. All of a sudden the room flashed with a brilliant green, Harry knew only one spell that created a colour like that… He heard the insane laughter behind him, as he watched the lifeless copse of the man he had come to love fall gracefully through the veil, which was directly behind him. 'No' he whispered…_

Harry bolted up right, trembling, covered in sweatand breathing hard. The nightmare was not new; it was one of the many variations of the ministry fiasco he often relived, though they always ended with Sirius dying.

Sighing in an effort to normalise his oxygen intake, he glanced at his watch, and seeing as it was only one in the morning, lay down and tried to go back to sleep.

* * *

'Get up, Potter' 

Harry gritted his teeth, pushing himself off the floor for the fourth time that evening. He was trying to keep the wall up round his mind but every time he couldn't maintain it and could only just get the Potions Master out. And it was reasonably clear from Snape's snide comments that the man wasn't trying his hardest. He resumed his place in front of the desk opposite Snape, grimacing at the scowl on the man's face, hoping that he wouldn't be punished for his dismal performance. He quickly resurrected his mental barrier as Snape raised his wand arm, feeling nervous and then trying to push the emotion away. The older wizard had pushed just a little further into his mind on every attempt that evening and henceforth a little closer to the memories he wanted to hide.

'_Legilimens' _

He tried franticly to hold up against the spell as it hit him, but he could feel the wall crumbling, albeit slowly. He pushed harder against the intrusive magic, but so did his professor and finally, broke through.

He was holding a bloody diary in his hand, Ginny's near lifeless body crumpled on the floor; Hermione laying prone on an infirmary bed; in third year the screams of his dead parents in his ears; Sirius' body falling just after being hit with the death curse…

…..

Snape relented as the image of Black dying flashed in his mind, he did not hate the child in front of him so much that he would to be so overly cruel, those were obviously distressing memories. Though he had wanted to find the memories on which the boy had unknowingly accomplished occlumency last week. Potter was slowly standing, refusing to meet his gaze, visibly shaken by being forced to relive Black's death. He gave the boy a moment or two to recover his wits, though he could see that the child was feeling the strain of fending off his attacks.

'Again.' He said, not quite as menacingly as before.

They moved into position, and once again Snape spoke the incantation, making it a bit stronger, wanting to find out the stigma surrounding the student before him. He felt the now familiar jolt of coming against the barrier protecting the mind behind it, but was surprised at how easily he overcome it considering the fight Potter had put up last time.

Being surrounded by Dementors, hopelessly trying to conjure a Patronous; hiding behind racks of spherical orbs, breathing hard; Wormtail slashing a knife into the crook of his arm, collecting the blood; enclosed in darkness, pain, fear…

…..

Harry cried out in effort as he pushed Snape from his mind before he got to see the particulars of _that _memory. Whether it was seeing Sirius' death again or the overall strain or the constant dull ache of his body (the potion was wearing off) or a mixture of everything, he was losing the focus needed for this lesson. Calming his breathing, he looked resolutely at the floor, praying that Snape hadn't noticed his last recollection but finding very little hope in the idea. The man was far too perceptive for that.

The silence lengthened uncomfortably, and he looked up to find his professor giving him a strange calculating look that he didn't like at all.

'Show me your arms, Potter.' The man was not requesting, it was a command.

Uncertainly and with increasing dread, Harry lifted the limbs in question.

'Arms not sleeves.' He could hear the bite of impatience in the voice. Quickly he did as he was told pushing his robe sleeve, as well as the clothing beneath up just past his elbow and presenting them, but he was not prepared for the Potions Masters' cold hands wrapping around his wrists. Fear caused him to step back, tugging back with his arms, but quickly stopped as he realised that wasn't exactly normal behaviour.

Snape raised an eyebrow at his reaction.

…..

Severus sighed inwardly, he knew his first impressions had been correct, even if he hadn't wanted to believe it. Now he was going to have to deal with it. Damn. However, first things first, he wanted to check Potter was not causing himself harm.

His grip never wavered as the boy tried to withdraw from him, calmly he raised his eyebrow at the reaction, before focusing down on the bare wrists now firmly in his grasp. Surprisingly, there weren't any blemishes on the skin, none at all, not even a scratch. He moved his thumb against the skin, trying to determine if there was some sort of concealment hiding anything. Not finding any he gave the other arm, a quick glance, something nagging at the back of his mind. Releasing the limbs, he looked down to see the smallest droplet of blood clinging to his finger. Curious he decided to further the investigation.

'Take off your shirt.'

'What s-sir?' the child asked with disbelief.

'Take off your shirt.'

'I-I'd rather not, sir.'

He gave the boy a look that really didn't brook any argument, and repeated his 'request' in a steady, much more ominous voice.

…..

Harry pulled of his robe cautiously, he was wearing a T-shirt under it, though it looked like a long-sleeve top as it was so big, and baggy jeans. He proceeded to pull off his shirt, careful not to wince or cause more pain to his aching ribs. He gave the man a look of defiance, though inwardly he cringed. He felt terribly self-conscious, standing in front of the dreaded Potions Master wearing nothing more than his jeans and the stone around his neck, though he tried not to show it. Colour flooded his cheeks as the man proceeded to inspect, raking his eyes over his exposed back and mid-section.

His hand felt unconsciously for the stone, as long as he had it, it was OK.

…..

Snape couldn't understand it; this wasn't what he was expecting. Potter was bleeding somewhere but he couldn't see any cuts, scrapes, scars or anything to that extent which in itself was unusual. Instead of solving the boy's mystery he was getting more muddled by it and he didn't like it.

With one more look at the child's arm which was currently holding the peculiar rock that hang round his neck, he was about to tell him to dress and leave when something clicked. What was confusing him was the lack of scars the boy should have had, other than the lighting bolt one on his forehead. Suddenly it hit him.

'Which arm did Pettigrew use to draw blood, Potter?' His voice dangerously smooth.

'Right si-…' The child looked down and realising the implications, bolted for the door.

…..

Harry turned, running for door, he would have to deal with everything later and right now he had to get out. A hand caught his arm and jerked back, causing him to lose his balance and fall back, right into his professor. He tried desperately to loosen the man's grip on his arm, as Snape's other arm clamped over his free one and across his chest. He fought franticly; he couldn't let it happen again, not here, not at Hogwarts, he thought he was safe here…

'Stop it.' Said a harsh voice from behind.

Oh no please…

…..

The boy's body went limp immediately, leaving Severus to hold up his weight, though it wasn't hard considering how much smaller the boy was compared to his peers. The child was trembling so violently he might have been having a seizure.

'Potter, I'm going to let go, do not do that again.'

Slowly he released his grip on the one arm but just as he was bringing his arm back from the boy's chest, his hand brushed the small rock pendent, sending a tingly feeling through him.

So that was how Potter was doing it. Simple really.

'Pray tell, Potter, why are you wearing an amulet?'

* * *


	8. Chapter 8

_Shit _

Only Snape could have guessed it. No matter, he could still get out of this. "It's for extra-protection s-sir,' he hated the way he stuttered when he got nervous, he thought he had dropped the habit.

'From who?'

'A-a friend, sir' It wasn't exactly the truth, but close.

'Why are you lying to me Potter?' Snape's voice was still dangerously smooth, not waiting for an answer,' Take it off.'

'N-no.' Harry backed up; he definitely did not want to do that, especially around this man. His eyes flicked between the door and back to the potion master.

But any thoughts of trying to do another runner were dashed as the rather tall and sinister man had planted himself in-between him and the door. Why couldn't Snape just leave him alone? He didn't ask to be who he was.

'Allow me to …rephrase that Potter, take it off or I shall remove it.'

Harry looked up, fear rising in his chest. He continued to move back, unsure of just how much force the man was willing to use. The man stepped forward a little and began to draw his wand. Seeing Snape's actions however, some thing clicked in Harry, a lesson learned over many years: Disobedience meant punishment. Hating Snape for what he was doing and hating himself even more, he began to pull the chain over his head.

…..

The only reaction Severus made was a sharp intake of breath. It was all he could do; this was _not _what he had been expecting. He was totally shocked by the horrific bruising and damage that appeared all over the child's body as soon as the amulet came off.

The child in question was trembling, his arms wrapped round his middle and staring at the floor. He could feel the disgust, self-loathing coming from him. And something else, fear?

'What happened Potter?' He asked softly, careful not use his trademark sneer by habit.

'I-I got jumped sir,' Snape didn't needed his legilimens skills to tell he was lying, Potter's body language made it perfectly clear.

'Do not lie to me boy.' The child flinched, and began to tremble harder.

'Try again. The truth this time.' But the boy just shook his head and mumbled under his breath. Snape decided to opt for something that usually got through in these cases.

'Put on your shirt Potter, you need to go to the infirmary.' The child looked up, horrified at the suggestion, backing up further.

'N-n-no, I'm fine, I, it, n-no please.' This with a beseeching look on his face.

'Potter you are bleeding, covered in bruises and you need help.'

'No, please. You don't understand, please.' There was panic in his voice now. The difference between the child before him and Potter with his amulet on astounded Severus. The boy was _pleading_ with him, not something Potter would dream of doing.

'Fine, if you don't want Madame Pomfrey to examine you then I will.' He began to move forward. Apparently this didn't appeal to the boy either, who just moved away trying to keep the distance between them. Snape stopped; he needed to gain the boy's trust or at least permission, or this was going to be traumatic for him. He doubted the child had much say when what ever happened to him took place.

'Your choice. Infirmary or here.'

…..

Harry slumped his shoulders in defeat and then winced at the pain the movement brought on. There was no way out, all he could do was comply, though he really didn't like the idea of leaving himself at Snape's mercy. He couldn't deal with the thought of more people finding out, that was sure to happen if he saw the school matron. First her, than Dumbledore and the list would grow longer until the information leaked to the press.  
He could see it now: 'Boy-who-lived couldn't save himself, how can he save us?' He could think of more than one reporter who would have an absolute field day.

He didn't want people's pity and scorn. Slowly he nodded his head.

'I take it you have chosen the latter?' He nodded again, despising how weak he was. He looked away and balled his fisted as Snape moved toward him, hoping it wouldn't hurt too much.

…..

Severus moved forward, experience telling him not to be sudden or use abrupt motions. Slowly he held out his hand palm up, just as he had early that evening, waiting for Potter's arm. On receiving it he began, using the small amount of medical he had gained in the many years he had been a spy. Of course his most frequent patient was himself.

He was amazed the child was still functioning.

He quickly worked his way up both arms which were covered in cuts of some sort though they didn't look self-inflicted, and moved on to his back, which was a disaster to say the least. It was covered in welts, abrasions and bruises to the extent that not much skin showed through. Potter was so malnourished, he could see his ribs, some of which were at odd angles. Gently he probed each wound checking for infection or other problems.

Potter stood tense as he did it, flinching every time he touched him. He was careful to keep a grip on one arm at all times, just in case.

...m

Harry couldn't understand it, the man was being _gentle_, not trying to hurt him and even muttering an apology when he pushed to hard on a sore spot. Was Snape actually trying to _help_ him?

As the hands moved further down his back however, he wasn't so sure. He attempted to breathe deeper, which only worsened things as his ribs ached on every inhalation, making his breathe become shallow and fast as he tried to breath without disturbing his ribs more. But when Snapes' hands moved even lower, memories began flooding his mind. He couldn't let it happen again, he wouldn't, desperately he fought down his panic, but it was a losing battle…

_The hands throw him roughly to the floor, he tried to move away but that only brought on another round of abuse, blows landed on his face and ribs and other extremities. Suddenly it stopped, Harry looked up only to see the man slowly undoing his belt moving toward him. Harry moved away instinctively, he knew what was coming. _

_'You worthless boy, keep still' The man hissed. _

_He felt his clothing being ripped away… _

…..

Severus moved on to Potter's lower back, he was careful to keep a tight reign on his emotions, trying to keep down the anger that was boiling through him. How could some one do this a child? But he had long learnt from experience that there was no answer to that question.

He snapped out of thought as he realised Potter was hyperventilating. He could feel the pain and fear pouring off the boy, probably because his senses were heightened from the repeated legilimency he had done all evening. Did the child still think that he was out to hurt him? But it became clear that the said child was having some sort of attack as he collapsed, Snape barely catching him in time to lower him on to the ground.

The child jerked and thrashed weakly, mumbling inaudibly under his breath, Severus wanted to help but was mindful at what happened last time he had attempted to touch the boy when he was like this. But not coming up with a solution, he abandoned all caution as the thrashing got worse. He knelt down and grasped the boy's shoulders and gently shook him.

'Potter, wake up Potter.' He didn't seem to be getting through.

'Pot-Harry come child, Harry…'

...z

Harry was vaguely aware of someone calling him through the fog of memories in his head. He concentrated on it, hoping it it would help him get out of his own mind. The voice sounded concerned; idly he wondered who it was as feeling started to return to him. Damn it was cold...

His eyes snapped open instantly as he realised someone was _holding _him by the shoulders. He met two onyx eyes but a mask seemed to cover them almost instantly, hiding whatever emotion they had held. He looked away, humiliation and self-disgust near overwhelming, as he waited for the snide,biting comments but they didn't come.

...z

Severus looked at the boy trembling before him as the fit passed. Potter really thought he wanted to hurt him. He felt something for the youth, he wasn't sure what though. The child had been put through something terrible, something he couldn't cope with on his own.

'Potter.' He called softly, but when the boy continued to look away. He gently lifted the boy's chin with his forefinger and thumb. 'Look at me.' Slowly the child obeyed, one eye half swollen shut and varying shades of purple.

'I am not going to hurt you. Ever. Do you understand?' A slow and pained nod, but not much conviction. Satisfied for the moment Snape stood, gracefully unfolding his tall frame, which only caused Potter to cringe away.

Inwardly he sighed, it was going to take some time to heal this kind of hurt, so he made some quick decisions.

….

Harry was by this time confused, tired, sore and suspicious. What did the man want from him? The teacher who had shown him nothing but hate, scorn and spite for the last five years was all of a sudden being nice, well maybe not nice but not malicious. What was going on?

'Potter, you will come back on Thursday evening, same time, I will find a reasonable excuse.' Harry bowed his head resignedly, he knew exactly what Snape's 'reasonable excuse' would be. He snapped back to attention when he realised the man was still speaking.

'…Get dressed and you may go.' Again the voice held no ill will, but nothing positive either.

'You won't tell anyone?' He asked suspiciously. 'Not for the moment.'

Quickly he did as he was told, near running out the door, beyond relieved to get away.

By the time he got through the portrait hole and into bed -stopping only to exchange a minimal amount of words with Ron and Hermione as to why he was so late- he was exhausted. He lay on his bed, the hangings drawn, feeling totally drained and apathetic, he simply had no energy to feel. He would deal with everything tomorrow, now he needed sleep.


	9. Chapter 9

Hey guys! Sorry about the long wait but i was writing exams. I just want to so thank you for your reviews, they are really encouraging, and thanx also to Melissa for her beta'ing. So heres the next bit, enjoy!

**Chapter 9 **

Harry was staring at his half-filled plate filled with total concentration, not that he was interested in the food, but he needed something to look at while he thought.

What was Snape going to do? He had expected malicious remarks and things along that line but last night they hadn't come. He had been thinking of a way out of the mess he'd made of it, but there didn't seem to be one. He couldn't obliterate the man and wasn't suicidal enough to try giving the Potion Master a potion to make him forget. Snape would guess it from a mile away.

Why did he care? That was another frustrating part of the mystery, why did Snape care? It wasn't like he owed Harry anything. The man had hated him for all five years of his schooling career, possibly more.

He looked up as some one tugged at his sleeve, making himself sit still and not react. Seeing Ron and Hermione standing next to him, he guessed it was time to go to there first double: Charms. After that it was Potions. If there was one down side to taking fewer subjects it was that you had to go to more lessons on your chosen subjects, they now saw Snape more often then most students liked.

He got up and followed them out the great hall.

…..

Severus' eyes followed Potter out the hall. He had been watching him closely, noting how the boy ate hardly any food and how he interacted with people at his table. And his conclusion was Potter was quite the actor. Aside from slipping into a daze every now and again, which earned him an elbow in the ribs from Weasley, he would never have guessed the child had suffered abuse. Who would? But Potter occasionally dropped the façade, and if you knew what to look for you could see it. He wondered idly how long it had been going on for. Sighing to himself, he got up and left as well. He had a class of second years to scare witless and a few other things to prepare.

* * *

(That evening)

Harry was once more walking toward the dungeon classroom, tense and agitated. He didn't know what Snape was planning and part of him was already telling him to run. But he was determined he wouldn't fall apart and if the evil git tried something he could deal with it. He patted his pocket to make sure both potions were there. He had taken to carrying the second as a precaution.

All of his bravado seemed to desert him as soon as he reached the door.

Taking a few more calming breaths and trying to compose himself, he knocked and entered on hearing a terse command.

…..

Severus watched the boy as he walked into the room and stopped a distance from the desk he was sitting at. Potter was watching him blankly, but he could see the boy was wary. He stood abruptly, causing Potter to step back involuntarily, one hand in his wand pocket. Frowning at this, Severus moved toward his office door, motioning the boy to follow him. As soon as he was in, the Potions Master closed the door behind them and drew out his wand.

…..

Harry backed away, he didn't know what Snape was planning but it couldn't be good. He quickly reached for his own wand, dragging it from his pocket, wildly looking for a ways to escape. There weren't any. Snape was in front of the only visible door. He was trapped. The man slashed his wand downward…

…..

Severus slashed his wand downward and muttered under his breath, invoking the privacy wards on his office. He was aware of Potter out of the corner of his eye, looking around wildly, wand in hand. Slowly he turned, ready to throw up a shield should the boy try anything foolish. Calmly he walked to his desk, keeping Potter in his peripheral vision.

'Sit down Potter, amulet off' he said, unable to keep the slightly mocking tone out his voice. When you had lived as a created persona for so long, you started to grow into it. Potter, after what Snape thought to be a self-debate, complied.

….

Feeling somewhat idiotic for over reacting so much but still nervous of the mans' intentions, Harry slowly sat but made no move to take off the small pendant. Snape took a seat opposite him.

….

Severus glanced at Potter, collecting his thoughts, before beginning. All the drama and they haven't even spoken yet, damn Gryffidor. His Slytherins' never gave him so much trouble, but then most Slytherins did not fear him the way the other houses did.

'Take it off Potter.'

'N-no… sir.' He could see the boy was trying (albeit not entirely succeeding) to keep to his 'normal' front.

'Potter I am trying to help you. I can not try to heal you blindly, nor will I try. Off. Now.'

Potter looked up; Severus could see the defiance written all over his face. But he could also see the somewhat surprised, uneasy and slightly calculative expression behind it too. Potter's eyes flicked around the room, rested on him briefly, to the door and back to him again. Severus could almost see him thinking.

The boy fingered the chain around his neck for a moment and slowly, without looking at him, pulled it over his head.

..…

Harry slowly pulled the chain over his head and slipped the amulet into his pocket; Snape had already seen what lay beneath. It was pointless to pretend he hadn't, but he felt horribly vulnerable without. He resented the fact that the teacher thought he could barge into his life and assume control. He had managed just fine on his own in the past.

Snape slowly reached down and drew a purple vile out of his pocket, setting it on the table between them. Harry stared at it.

"This is_ Ossis-paean,_ a draught which will straighten and heal any damaged bone in the drinker's body. It is extremely potent Potter. It..." Harry however was not listening. No, he was far to occupied with tight ball of fear in his chest. It had just occurred to him that Snape, being the Potions master, was obviously going to use a potion to heal him, which had some difficulties. And if Snape found out about his potions… Harry remembered perfectly well how angry Snape had been when he thought it was him stealing ingredients, he remembered Snape's threats…

"Potter!" Snape snapped, nearly startling Harry out of his chair completely. He clamped down on the fear which was threatening to overwhelm him. Snape wasn't going to find out he told himself sternly, he wouldn't let it happen. He focused on his keeping his breathing even and looking calm.

There was a knock on the door.

……

Potter's hand grabbed the amulet, and got it on quicker than Severus would have thought humanly possible. He cursed himself for forgetting about Lupin. He'd been so distracted by Potter that he hadn't remembered that the lycanthrope needed to collect his Wolfsbane potion. He got up, walked around the desk and to a cupboard near the back of the room. Potter had paled considerably and Severus could see the hand inside his robes, reaching for his wand.

"Calm down and shield your mind Potter" This as he walked to the door, without so much as a backward glance to check what the boy was doing. He opened the door…

….

Harry quickly erected his mental shields, trying to keep his emotions hidden behind them. He gripped his wand tightly and watched the Potions Master open the door…

…..

"Good evening Severus" The man looked horribly haggard, with dark rings under his eyes and a slightly grey complexion.

"Lupin" he replied tersely, handing him the smoking goblet. The said man seemed to stiffen ever so slightly as he looked past him.

"All right Harry?"

"Ya" This with a small half smile, 'Evening Professor".

Severus saw Potter was back behind his facade, standing straight, body only slightly tensed and wand loosely by his side. The only thing giving his game away was the fear that hung around him. Lupin looked at him with a small frown, his eye's asking for an explanation.

"Shield Potter" He said sharply. "It is merely remnant emotions from Potter's memories." He did not like having to explain himself, but if Lupin was worried he would, no doubt, go to Dumbledore and that could lead to…. problems.

"Will that be all?" This to the lycanthrope.

"Yes, thank you Severus, bye Harry."

"Cheers Professor." Severus shut the door and turned back to his student. The boy stood tensely, watching him carefully. He stared pointedly at the amulet until Potter gingerly took it off, keeping wary eyes on him.

"The vial Potter, is behind you. Swallow all of it or else you will not heal properly." Severus waited, but the boy made no move to get the potion…

…..

Harry was trying desperately to think of a way out of it, but nothing came to mind. He could feel the fear rising up in his chest again, and again he fought it down. He couldn't take the potion…

"What are you waiting for Potter?" Snape was becoming impatient. Harry placed a hand on the desk to steady himself, realising that he was started to shake…

…..

Severus started to walk to his desk, intent on getting the potion himself if Potter wasn't going to listen. As soon as Potter saw he was coming closer, the boy tried to back away, only to hit his desk. Severus noticed Potter was beginning to shake, his eyes were wide and dilating with terror.

"I-I-I don't n-need it, I'm f-fine." His hand appeared to have a death grip on his desk.

"You are not fine Potter." He said quietly, hoping to calm Potter, as he moved forwardly slowly.

"N-no, please y-you don't…" When Potter realised what he was doing, his voice took on a slightly hysterical note. "I-I didn't mean, no-"

…..

Harry realised Snape had him trapped against the desk. He also realised dully, in the back of his mind, that he was panicking. But his fear was choking his thoughts. Snape would be beyond furious if he found out, Merlin only knew what he would do to him. He knew _exactly_ what would happen to him if it were his uncle. Unbidden the memories came back to him… Snape moved. He ran.

The boy panicked, bolting for the door. Severus knew Harry wouldn't be able to get out, as the door was spelled to open only when he allowed. But the boy needed to learn he couldn't run from this.

….

Harry felt the arms grab him from behind. He lashed out desperately, struggling as violently as he could against the man who held him. The man cursed as he managed to kick him hard. Suddenly Snape let go, causing Harry to lose balance. The man caught him again just as quickly and span him round, facing away, using one arm to lock his arm behind his back and holding him with the other…

….

Potter struggled frantically against his hold. "Stop it" Potter only fought harder, flinging his small weight against his grip. Severus was more worried about the boy hurting himself rather than him. "What did I say last week Potter?" He spoke into his ear. The boy stopped, becoming rigid in his arms, trembling, his breathing ragged. "Here or-r the in-infirmary, s-sir"

"What else?"

"Y-you won't t-tell anyone"

"What else?"

"I-I don't k-know"

"What else Potter?"

"I don't k-know sir" The child started struggling again. Severus tightened his hold slightly.

"Think Potter" The boy was tiring, his thrashing weaker.

There was a pause and the struggling finally ceased.

"You won't hurt me." Came the near inaudible, broken whispered.

….

Harry stopped struggling hopelessly. He couldn't fight Snape, the man was too strong. Just like… _no don't think about it! _There was no point. He couldn't bring himself to believe Snape's words. He always got hurt, in the end.

….

Snape wondered what had set Potter off. Obviously the potion had something to do with it, but what? He thought back to all his observations of the boy, then decided to play it by air. He didn't let go of the boy just yet. "Potter why won't you take the potion?" He spoke quietly but the boy tensed in his arm again, Severus could feel his fear and desolation battling in his mind.

"I can't" he whispered.

"Why not?"

The boy just shook his head mutely. Snape could feel something hard and small pressing against his leg through Potter's robes. Vials perhaps? A flash of insight.

"Does it involve the blue potion you take?" Potter jerked as if Severus had hit him.

"I'll take that as a yes." He smirked slightly. Potter would make a terrible Slytherin, he gave too much away.

"What is it?"

"Pain killer" The boy said defeatedly

" Its name Potter"

"Brenston's Brew"

Severus was taken a back. That was an incredibly strong potion, how in the world did the boy get his hands on it? But then again it explained why Harry could still move. However something was beginning to dawn on him. The boy had obviously been taking the potion for a while, at least since the incident with the stairs... But why was he afraid? Although the potion was strong it was not illegal…His mind raced through all the possibilities and things he knew… Snape thought he had an inkling why he was so afraid. "How Potter, did you manage after our first occlumency lesson of the term?" He knew by the way the boy tensed in his arms and began panicking again that he had guessed correctly.

"I-I I'm s-sorry Sir, I didn't mean, I-I, it w-was a mista-"

"Calm down Potter." Snape cut him off before he could become hysterical again. The boy flinched, expecting, no doubt, to be hit. "What did you do?"

"I-I…." Potter took a deep breath, "I managed to get a potion to clear my system of any magical substances."

…..

"How?" Snape's voice had taken on a slight edge. Harry resigned himself to the fact he couldn't hide this from the Potions Master. He was not, however, prepared to get Dobby in trouble. The little elf didn't deserve to be punished.

"I got hold of a purging potion, s-sir."

"How Potter?"

"I-I… just did." He managed without faltering too much.

"And from where, Potter, did you manage to obtain such a potion?" The edge in Snape's voice was now so pronounced you could have sliced cheese with it. Harry nearly giggled at the mental picture. He had a tendency for inappropriate reactions, especially when he was scared.

"It w-was supposed to be from the im-infirmary s-sir… But it came from y-your office…" He braced himself for the anger sure to be coming, closing his eyes tightly and trying to still his shaking limbs.

…..

Potter was trembling slightly, hunched over as if he was waiting for Severus to strike him. While Severus was none to pleased in the least to find out the boy was responsible for the mess in his private stores, he knew it was not Harry who actually did it. The boy would have been incapacitated by that stage. He was, grudgingly, impressed at how Potter had coped, it was not something most students would manage. But none the less he _would_ find out who the perpetrator was, just as he would find out what happened to the boy. But now was not the appropriate time.

"Do you have it here?"

"Y-yes sir."

The boy was still shaking, convinced he was going to hurt him. Severus shook his head to himself. The boy didn't believe him. Not that Severus, of all people, could blame him. He let go of Potter slowly, but kept himself in front of the door.

"Take it, then lay down and take this," he said, handing Potter the vial of _Ossis-paean_. As the boy complied, guiltily drinking the remains of the purging potion, Severus continued speaking, "Potter the _Ossis-paean_ is going cause you to become unconscious." The boy looked up quickly, alarmed and stopped uncorking the vile. "Understand Potter that your damaged bones are going to re-break and set properly. As they re-break the bones are going to damage the tissue surrounding them. That means you will bleed internally. Your body is going to go into shock and it will be agonising, to say the least. Knocking the consumer out is the only option with this potion. I will not touch once you are out."

….

Harry did not like the idea of passing out. He didn't know if he wanted to put this amount of trust in the man, willing, or even if he could. But realising he did not have that many options, he uncorked the small purple vile and swallowed all of it in one go, watching the Potions Master carefully as he did.

The effect was almost immediate. His lids began to close although he tried not to let himself black out, regretting at the last moment his decision. It was useless. The darkness swallowed him.

* * *

Hey again guys. I just want to get some ideas on where this story is headed, so i need you to vote. Should Dumbledore be evil? Any other thoughts or ideas would be greatly appreciated, either drop me a review or send me an email (Its in my profile.) Thanx everyone ;-) 


	10. Chapter 10

A/N: Hey guys. I apologise for the disgustingly long wait for this chapter. It was difficult to write and its not the most exciting piece but it needs to put in. Thanx so much to everyone who reviewed, you guys are awesome! Most people don't want Dumbledore to be down right evil so i'll see what i can do. I'd like to thank my beta Melissa again for putting up with my whimsical writting.

Enjoy!

**Chapter 10**

Severus muttered a cushioning charm under Potter's body once he was unconscious. He knew the healing side of the potion would only begin in a minute or so, so quickly he cast a diagnostic spell, scanning it over the boy's pathetically small frame.

The results appeared on a scroll that flashed into existence before him.

Sighing, Severus seated himself at his desk. He rubbed his temples, trying vainly to staunch the migraine Potter's wild emotions had given him. It did not seem to matter how strong he build his mental shields, other people's emotions constantly got through them. Severus wondered whether being an empath was a curse or blessing. His mother's family line had a history of empathic ability. He however seemed to have only inherited part of that ability, and little control over it at that. His skills were weaker than a fully emphatic being but strong enough to read uncovered emotions. It was a constant source of headaches to him, as almost none of the students knew how to occlude and he was, therefore, exposed to the emotions of over five hundred hormonal teenagers everyday. One could not say that was not cause for being, as the students put, an evil git.

His eyes scanned the results from the diagnostic scan, his eyes widening as he took in the full extent of the boy's injuries. It was a simple spell compared to those the medi-witch would use, only showing the actual injuries. Those used in the infirmary could tell the Matron when and sometimes how a person was injured. None the less, the results were appalling. Potter had numerous broken bones including his left wrist, both feet, five ribs and multiple fractures in all his fingers among others, some of which were partly healed. He had tissue damage, abrasions and wounds over his entire body. There was a small amount of internal bleeding. He was also extremely malnourished, which explained why he didn't eat much at meal times. Severus wondered how Madame Pomfrey could have missed such obvious damage.

As he took a sip of his migraine potion Severus began to plan how to treat his troublesome student. Obviously he was going to need to be healed although healing was generally slower with potions than with spells. But once healed Potter would not have to rely on pain killers. But physically healing was not going to solve the boy's problems. Severus knew he would eventually have to tell the Headmaster. He also knew that almost all the abuse cases in the school were referred to him to deal with. Probably because the majority were Slytherins. He knew Potter would not want anyone to know under any circumstances. He decided he would respect the boy's wishes in this concern for now.

Another problem besides Potter's emotion state would be teaching him occlumency. Although the boy had managed to keep his memories hidden, Severus did really want to chance tapping into them by accident. While it would be an easier way of finding out the truth of the boy's predicament, he knew from experience how humiliating it could be and he doubted it would induce Potter's trust.

He got out a piece of parchment and quill then started listing the questions he wanted answers to:

_1) Where did Potter get his amulet and what are its properties? _

The question had been in his mind for a while. It wasn't exactly a common thing to come across.

_2) How did he manage to hide the extent of his injuries from Pomfrey? _

_3) Was Potter mugged as he claims? Or abuse? if so for how long? _

Severus was willing to bet it was a done by a man or men judging by Potter's reactions around him.

_4) Why doesn't the boy use magic instead of trying to run away? _Severus had been wondering on this point. The first detention he had had with Potter he had been thrown half away across the room. But every time afterwards Potter had not used so much as a spark. Why?

5) _If Potter was attacked by a gang as he claims why is he afraid to seek help at the infirmary? _

_6) Is Potter malnourished because he doesn't eat or is he unable to eat because he is malnourished? If the latter why is he malnourished? _

* * *

Harry slowly became aware he was lying down. His eyes opened immediately when he heard papers being shuffled and breathing nearby. He sat up so fast he gave himself a head rush. Snape was sitting at his desk, watching him over the top of the paper he had been grading. He raised an eyebrow. "Potter you are bleeding on my floor." Harry cringed inside. The Potions Master had no idea how familiar the words were. Carefully he stood, his back throbbing painfully with the movement. Looking down he saw a small pool of blood where he had been laying. 

Snape looked at him over steepled fingers. "Potter, as you can probably feel, your bones are in their correct positions although you may still feel sore and stiff. I have a potion which will help to speed up the recovery of the rest of your body. However it will only be finished brewing in a day or so. It is not as powerful as what you took earlier and you'll be able to continue taking the Brenston's Brew. However I suggest you refrain if you can, and do not take it for the next four hours. I will give you another cream to put on your bruises. Is that gash on your back the only wound you have which bleeds?"

Harry was only a little surprised Snape knew which of his injuries was bleeding. But then it was really that hard to deduce: blood on his robes, on the floor and a hand on his back did give it a way a bit. He nodded. The Potions Master stood slowly, watching him.

"Come here." Harry moved towards his professor but kept distance between them.

"Come Potter, let me look at it."

Harry hesitated. He didn't want the man to touch him again. He didn't like physical contact and he hated people being behind him. He didn't like letting Snape see he was vulnerable. But Snape had that look on his face that told him that he wasn't going to put up with arguments. In any case it was a bit late for such considerations he thought a little bitterly. He went to the man, hating that he was too weak to say no.

"Lift your robes and shirt." Harry did so, forcing himself to stand still when the man went round to look at his back. Long fingers started probing the wound on his lower back.

….

Severus carefully check the gash in his student's back, glad that Potter hadn't put up a fuss. It looked like infection was setting in. He suspected there was something inside the wound that kept causing the bleeding and prevented it healing properly. "How did you get this Potter?" He asked quietly. The boy didn't answer, but tried to turn from him. He knew Harry did not want him to know, so he tried another route. "Potter what inflicted this wound?"

Still no answer. Snape was just about to repeat the question when he heard the quiet whisper.

"A glass bottle."

….

Harry was weighing his options. He needed the cut to mend, he could not afford for it to continue bleeding the way it was. His amulet did not cover clothing. And he hadn't managed to heal it himself. But on the other hand if told Snape what 'they' hit him with it might sound like he was admitting something. He decided he would risk it. He could always say he had slipped and fallen on the bottle.

"It broke, did it not?" Snape's voice was level, like they were discussing the weather.

"Yes." Merlin it had hurt. He remembered how the sharp edge of the broken bottle had ripped into his flesh, the demented laughter and stench of alcohol. He shook his head of the memory in case the Potions Master tried anything funny. He had never been sure of the man's legilimency skill.

"Potter I suspect there is still glass in the wound which is causing the bleeding. I'm going to try to remove it. It may be slightly painful." Harry nodded, placing a hand on the desk. He wasn't worried about it hurting, after all it was clearly evident he had withstood much greater things, although Snape had said he wouldn't hurt him. He was far more anxious that the man was behind him.

….

Severus waited for Potter to nod, then drew out his wand. He was not good at healing with spells, but he knew a few. He muttered one under his breath, hoping to draw out whatever was in the wound. The boy's body tensed, his knuckles going white where he was holding the desk. Slowly Severus teased the gash with his wand tip, and a small shard of glass gradually appeared out of the bottom.

Quickly he muttered "Accio Shard", catching it in his hand. The wound began bleeding again, having been disturbed by his work. He did not know spells which would staunch the flow so he conjured a gauze pad and pressed it against it, instructing Potter to hold it there. He conjured a bandage and began wrapping it around the boy's middle to hold the gauze in place, which Potter did not appreciate by the sound of his surprised yelp.

….

Harry let out a surprised yelp when Snape's hands started bandaging around his stomach. He hadn't been expecting it. Soon his professor had had secured the gauze against his back. He was annoyed that he hadn't thought of it instead of making ineffective patches that continually fell out of place.

As soon as Snape was done Harry stepped away quickly and turned round. His teacher gave him another look, but said nothing. He indicated for Harry to sit while he seated himself behind his desk. Harry sighed inwardly; he had rather hoped this… encounter was over. He was really beginning to hurt and it was more than a little difficult to sit still.

…..

"Potter you will need to return tomorrow at 7 o'clock to collect the healing potion." Severus looked at the boy in front of him appraisingly. The said child was listening but shifting in his chair. Severus guessed he was probably in pain as he hadn't taken his Brenson's Brew. Potter looked somewhat like a First year, he was so small and thin.

"Do you have trouble eating Potter?"

The boy nodded slowly.

"What happens when you eat?

"I can't keep the food down sir" Potter sounded like he was carefully choosing each word.

"How long has this been going on?"

Potter looked up sharply, "A while sir."

Oh well it worked sometimes. Severus wasn't overly worried. He would find a way to get the boy to talk. His only concern at the moment was getting him healthy.

"I will give you nourishment potions to take as well. Wait here."

With that Severus got up, went to his stores cupboard and got all the necessary concoctions out. He walked back and handed the vials to the boy. He sat then began explaining how each was to be taken and in what amounts.

* * *

(Some time later)

Harry walked slowly along the corridors in a combination of stiffness and caution. He did not want to get caught being out after curfew. He wished he had had the foresight to bring his map, that would have sped things up substantially.

Eventually he reached the Gryffindor Tower and portrait. He entered quickly, and made his way up to his dorm. He was glad Hermione and Ron had listened when he told them not to wait up for him. It was late and everyone was asleep. He carefully changed into pyjamas and climbed into bed, pulling the hangings shut. Leaning tiredly against the head board he sighed quietly, listening to the soft sound of breathing coming from the world beyond his curtains. It had been a long day to say the least. He reached for his new collection of vials, putting them on the bed cover in front of him. His mind was whirling, thoughts flying around in his mind. Harry knew he wouldn't fall asleep any time soon, and to be honest he wasn't really sure he wanted to. He couldn't remember the last time he had had a decent night's rest. His unconscious was filled with terror, sometimes other people's sometimes his own.

His thoughts turned back to Snape. The man was confusing the hell out of him. He couldn't measure what he what he wanted from him. The Potion's Master was one up on him. He had information he could use against him now and it scared Harry to think he was in anyone else's power. Yet Snape had not threatened him. Had not tried to make him to do anything, yet anyway. What did the man want? Perhaps he had to be healthy to be able to perform the tasks Snape wanted done?

The man said he wanted to help him. Why? What would the man gain by helping him? Perhaps he gained more if he could blackmail him with the knowledge? For Harry knew that he would do nearly anything to prevent others knowing his secrets. He wasn't allowed to be weak or vulnerable. He couldn't bear the shame of the people he loved finding out that he really was.

He stared contemplatively at the vials before him. Each was labelled in neat spidery handwriting with correct dosages included. A nutrient potion to help his body restore itself, a nourishment potion to help him gain weight, one to speed healing. Why Snape was concerned enough to give them to him? He briefly entertained that they might be poisoned but then that would be ridiculous. The man had had many, many opportunities to kill him, so why bother with a slow, possibly ineffectual method such as that?

So many questions and not nearly enough answers.

Why?


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: **Yes, contrary to popular believe i am still alive! I am _so _sorry about the delay guys, but what can i say? School sucks and so do exams and massive unmanagable projects. So to make up for it i'm doing a double update. I also apologise for the abruptness of this chapter, but it was very difficult to write. I'd like to say thanx so much to everyone for reading and double thanx for reviewing. All i've had in my inbox this week is alerts saying i'm on people's story alerts grins I feel so special ) Anyway enough rambling, enjoy!

**Chapter 11**

Severus made his way to the headmaster's office, ordering his thoughts and pulling his mental shields closer. The Headmaster was not above a bit of subtle leglimency if it gained him his purpose, as he had found out long ago.

Once having spoken the ridiculous password and navigated the stairs, Severus walked straight into the office, not bothering to knock. Dumbledore, no doubt, already knew it was him.

Dumbledore glanced up from the paper he was reading as he entered, gesturing silently for his spy to take a seat.

"What can I do for you Severus?" He asked as he replaced the paper on a nearby stack.

"I came to speak to you about Potter."

"Is there a problem?"

"Not as such, I wished to speak to you about the leglimency lessons"

"How is it going?"

"He has learnt the basic skills. But he struggles constantly with his emotions"

"Ah. Well it is to be expected Severus. He is only a teenager." Dumbledore looked at him meaningfully.

"I wonder Headmaster," Severus said, ignoring the look, "if I may be permitted to teach him physical combat together with leglimency."

Dumbledore's brow furrowed slightly "Why together and not separately? I'm sure Remus would not mind teaching him."

"Headmaster I feel Potter would benefit more doing them concurrently rather. It would teach him to hold up his mental shield while in a difficult situation, and to control his emotions while he fights."

"I see," Dumbledore looked at him thoughtfully. "Severus, what of the 'incidents' pertaining to Harry. The ones you wished to look into?"

Severus was prepared for this question, having thought the headmaster may want to know. He would not lie, not outright anyway.

"I think the boy is under a great deal of stress at the moment Headmaster. Much is expected from him and he has no outlet for it. It is another reason learning physical combat would benefit him. It would give him a way of releasing stress without accidentally blowing things up."

Dumbledore nodded, he knew Harry's magic tended to become a bit wild when he was emotional.

"Yes, I think it may be a good idea. You will keep me updated in regards to Harry?"

"Of course." Severus stood to leave and walked out the door

/\/\/\/\

Severus sank into his favourite armchair wearily. Teaching all day was such an onerous task, especially when one had such dunderheads for students. Even the few pupils who showed an iota of talent in his art did not have the determination, or inclination for that matter, to put it to use. He stared contemplatively at the fire whiskey in the tumbler he held. The gold liquid swirled gently, smoking ever so slightly. His mind automatically started listing ingredients that produced such effects.

Potions had been one of the few subjects he had managed to excel in at school. Partly because his teacher was one of the minority who didn't discriminate against different houses- well Slytherins- and partly because of his natural ability. When he had taken his Mastery in the subject he had not thought he would have to use it to teach foolish, ungrateful children.

He sighed as he thought of the small inter-house war the school seemed to be waging. Slytherins against the rest of the school community. He'd had to talk to three different sets of students this week alone because of their retaliation tactics.

It didn't help that his house was divided, with a proportion turning to the Dark Lord, another neutral and the last -admittedly few-clinging to the Light. It saddened him to see so many going through what he had had to go through in his own school years.

His thoughts turned to Potter once again. Severus was unsure how he felt towards the boy. Part of him- the part which hated Potter for being his father's image- was angry that the boy had found a way to take up even more of his time. Another admittedly smaller part of him knew that that was rather unfair. He was the one forcing the boy to come back and accept his help. Well not forcing him perhaps, but not leaving him many other options.

But even now Severus was struggling to accept Potter was not who he seemed. Surely Dumbledore wouldn't have allowed his golden boy come to harm? But then the boy had a knack for getting into trouble. Surely one of his many friends would of realise something wasn't right? It seemed not. They had all assumed Potter was alright; perhaps that was something the boy relied on to hide the truth?

Severus decided he would start trying to get the boy to tell him what happened in their next few lessons.

Severus took a last look at the alcohol before downing it in one long pull. It wasn't enough to get him intoxicated but rather enough to dull the ache of a long day. It had been a long time since he's drunk enough to become inebriated. Every bone in his body protested at the mere thought of being incapacitated; in his life one simply couldn't afford it.

Slowly he got up to go to bed, hoping fervently that his Mark would not begin to burn.

* * *

Harry dozed fitfully, afraid if he let himself sleep he would dream or have visions. He was unused to sleeping without taking his pain killer although admittedly he had slept through much worse. Eventually, around 5 o'clock in the morning he gave up sleeping as a lost cause and padded softly down to the deserted Common room. 

He relit the fire quietly with a flick of his wand and sat staring at the flames. It was Friday. He had a transfiguration test today, a charms quiz and a potions essay to hand in. He had to fetch a healing potion from Snape. Ron would probably want to play quidditch before dinner. Remus or Hagrid would want them to go for tea sometime on the weekend.

Hagrid didn't worry him, he rather enjoyed his company. The man was easy to be with, not constantly worrying him and asking how he was. But Remus would watch him. Watch to see if he was ok, if he was upset, if something was wrong.

And that was the problem. Something _was _wrong. Harry knew he wasn't coping well with Sirius's death. That was obvious. But how did you cope with killing someone? Especially when it wasn't just a someone. It was the only person you had left. He had screwed up. Again. And again it cost somebody there life. Cedric. Sirius. How many others? He was a murderer. He deserved everything that had come his way.

It all came down to him being weak. That's why there were tears coursing down his cheeks unchecked. That's why they had died. He hadn't been strong enough to save them. That's why he couldn't let Ron and Hermione stay close to him. Because he was afraid they would die too. That's why people couldn't find out about what had happened, what had been happening. Because then they would know. They would see just how weak he was, how scared. And he wasn't allowed to be weak. Or scared. He would not fail everyone else. He would not be responsible for anymore deaths.

He heard movement upstairs. Glancing at his watch he saw it was nearly half six. Everyone would be up soon, preparing for the last day of the week.

Harry got up stiffly and roughly brushed the tears from his eyes. He couldn't go on like this. It was pathetic. Somebody would notice. Well somebody other than Snape he though a little bitterly.

He would do what he had to do because he had to. Life would go on. He had proven that countless times and this was no exception. It didn't matter what had happened, especially since he had deserved it anyway.

But if it didn't matter then why was he falling apart at the seams? Why did the thought of some one touching him give him chills? Why did _it_ haunt his dreams?

Because he was weak, he decided.

But he would not fail anyone else. He wouldn't. No more being weak. No more being afraid. No more.

* * *

Severus carefully added the last ingredient to healing potion he was brewing and left it to simmer. It would be ready for Potter to take that evening. He checked his watch and saw it was time to go to breakfast. Why Dumbledore made him eat up there he did not know; the noise and number of students doing their homework on the tables was intolerable. He would have much preferred to take meals in his own rooms. 

He changed into his teaching robes and left for the Great Hall, carefully locking his room behind him. He wondered if there was to be a meeting this weekend. Merlin he hoped not. Perhaps there wouldn't be if there had been such a large one the previous weekend. He stalked into the Hall and to his seat at the Head table.

* * *

Harry forced himself to smile at one of the lamer jokes Ron was telling them at the breakfast table. He had taken a dose of the various potions Snape had given him to take, as well as his own and was now attempting to eat his way through his small bowl of porridge with rather a lot of difficulty. He knew the other two were watching how much he ate. He got the feeling the Potion Master was also watching him to by the way his hair kept prickling on the back of his neck. He made himself keep up with the conversation as well, concentrating on what was being said instead of the queasy feeling in his stomach. 

Eventually they got up to start walking to their first class, as the breakfast rush started. As they walked Harry was testing Hermione, somewhat unnecessarily, for the upcoming charms quiz while Ron was desperately trying to do last minute cramming of all the knowledge he was supposed to have learned.

* * *

(That Night)

Harry sighed quietly to himself as he climbed tiredly into bed. He reached for the blue vial on his side table and took a sip. He'd given in when Ron said he wanted to play quidditch after lessons. There had been no way in hell he was going to try fly without a painkiller. Although his bones had healed, the rest of him was not, and Snape's potions didn't work _that_ fast.

He winced as he though about the potions. They made him feel sick, even just thinking about them made his stomach churn. Was that suppose to happen?

Harry crawled under the blankets, and wriggled to get comfortable. He was still getting used to lying in a soft bed again. He started trying to clear his mind, hoping against hope he would have a dreamless night while tucking away his memories and emotions as he slowly drifted into sleep.


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

Severus sat grading papers as he waited for Potter to pitch for their lesson. Monday evenings always involved dreadful amounts of marking, made tedious by the fact hardly any of the students had half a brain and apparently writing in their own words was far too much to ask. At least a quarter of the assignments in front of him had been copied straight out of a book. In fact Severus had been presented with the exact same paragraphs to mark so many times he could almost recite half the potions books in the library. It was pathetically depressing.

Finishing the last dismal essay and disgustedly crossing out the plagiarised sections, he stacked the lot neatly on his desk. He looked around his classroom idly. The cauldrons were stacked orderly against the back wall and shining cleanly in the light. Severus had had a few first years clean them in detention earlier. He drew his wand and flicked it languidly, moving the desks across the room and leaving a clearing in the middle of the room. Generally he preferred working in his office but he needed the space the classroom offered to teach Potter combat, although he didn't think they would really start today.

Severus steepled his fingers as he thought on his decision. He knew he would have to go carefully about teaching the boy. The child was flighty enough as it was. Anything to sudden would only damage the trust Severus needed him to give.

He was brought out of his thoughts with a hesitant knock on the door.

"Enter" he barked, gathering his thoughts together.

Potter walked in and stopped in what appeared to be becoming his customary spot, a little distance from Severus' desk. He gestured for the boy to take a seat.

…..

Harry walked carefully to the desk and sat has Snape gestured for him to do so. He has reminding himself of his Friday morning resolution. It had gotten him through the weekend; it would get him through this. He was _not _weak. He would find a way to make sure the man did not tell anyone. He was not going to flinch every time the Potion Master moved. He was strong damnit!

The man in question was watching him through dark, emotionless eyes. Harry was careful not to look straight back.

"Potter I have decided on a different approach to these lessons. I have spoken to the Headmaster" Harry's head shot up, Snape wouldn't have, he said- But his panicky thoughts were interrupted by the Potions Master "No Potter not about your… situation. In regards to our lessons. We've decided it would be beneficial to teach you hand to hand combat together with occlumency."

Harry relaxed a little, relief flooding through him, overriding the annoyance he felt at hearing they had been discussing him. That wasn't so bad. As long as his secret was still safe. The professor gave him a look before continuing.

"From today I will start teaching you physical combat. The objective is for you to try and maintain a shield around your mind throughout the session. While you have managed the basics of shielding in an extremely defensive situation, the point of this is endurance. You will start by maintaining a weak but constant shield and we'll increase its intensity has you become better at it. You will still practice at stopping me actively breaking into your mind at the ends of the lessons. Any questions?"

Harry was trying to take in all the information Snape was giving him. He was even more relieved when he realised what the man was saying. He wasn't going to spend the entire lesson trying to break into Harry's thoughts. Surely that could only be a good thing.

……

Severus was watching the emotions flitting across the boys face, somewhat amusedly. The boy was behind his mask again, he had been all weekend. If Severus hadn't seen what lay behind it he would almost have thought nothing was wrong with the boy. He wondered how much it cost him to act like nothing was.

Careful to keep his voice even he continued the lesson. "To start with you must put a shield around your mind." He paused as he felt the boy erecting one. "Do not make it so strong you can concentrate on nothing else. Good. Now stand up and walk from this side of the classroom and back." Potter looked up at him confused, his shield wavering almost immediately, but then complied. Severus could see he was hesitant to turn his back on him. As he walked Severus could feel how his shield faltered. "Concentrate Potter, keep the shield in place."

And so they carried on. Severus made him walk back and forth maintaining the shield. The boy was struggling to keep protecting his mind, but that might have been because he was constantly watching Severus out of the corner of his eye rather than inability. Every time Severus so much as shifted in his chair the boy would focus on him instead of occlumency. Severus was getting irritated that Potter would not concentrate properly, but he contained the snarky comments on the tip of his tongue. They would not help the situation.

After twenty minutes or so he gave the boy a break, motioning for him to take a seat again.

"Potter what is the purpose of this exercise?"

….

Harry looked up, thinking. Who knew why the man was making him walk in endless circles? It was frustrating if nothing else, compounded by the fact that he couldn't focus on Snape and his shield at the same time. But what really, really frustrated him was his inability to _not_ concentrate on the Potions Professor. He had promised himself that he wouldn't be like this around the man. Why was it so hard?

"I don't know sir"

"Think Potter." Snape said witheringly, "Why? What purpose could it serve?"

Harry thought about it carefully, "Maybe to uhh… make me two things at once?"

"In a sense, yes." Snape steepled his fingers and watched Harry over them. "The purpose is for you to try sustain a shield while doing something else. As most things it becomes easier with practice. Once you have mastered this we shall practice it in combination with combat."

"Sir, when do I start learning combat?" Harry asked carefully. Now it made sense why Snape wanted to heal him. He didn't want an incapacitated student. The man in question was giving him a piercing look. Harry shifted uncomfortably.

"In our next lesson."

"When will that be sir?"

"Tomorrow evening"

….

Severus contemplated his next words carefully. The boy seemed calmer this evening, he had the whole weekend. Hopefully he would stay that way so Severus could talk to him. He felt the boy would relax more if he knew what was expected of him: abused children generally did and that was the sort he was used to working with. He regarded the child before continuing.

"Potter, as I said earlier I did not tell the Headmaster of your situation. However if he isn't to know then you will abide by my conditions." The boy's head came up, eyes wide. Severus could feel his anxiety growing already. _Carefully Severus_ "You will continue taking the potions to heal your injuries and get healthy again. You will allow me to help you in your current situation, and you _will_ tell me if you are hurt again. Lastly you will not wear your amulet when you are in here or my office with the exception of Potions class. Do I make myself clear?"

…..

Harry's hand gripped his amulet unconsciously. He did not want Snape's help. He didn't even want the man to know about his 'situation' as he so carefully put it. How had he let this happen?

"S-sir." Harry hated how his voice sounded so thin, "I a-appreciate the help you have given me with the potions and everything, but I don't need your help. I'm fine. Nothings wrong. I got into a bad situation once this summer, but I'm all right now." By this stage Harry was standing up, preparing to leave.

"Sit down Potter." Snape said levelly.

"I don't want your help" he snapped as he turned to leave, his chin tilted defiantly. Inside he felt sick.

"So you would not mind if Dumbledore knew then?"

Harry stopped abruptly. He had known it would happen. The bastard was going to blackmail him. And there was nothing he could do about it.

…..

"Honestly Potter, I thought you would know better by now than to lie to me." Severus said smoothly. "Surely even you must have realised by now that it does not work."

The boy turned round warily, eyes watching him intently.

"I may be many things Potter but stupid is not one of them. If that was all you would have sort help at the infirmary at the start of the term instead of going to such length to try to hide it."

"I was embarrassed, that's all." The child ground out.

"Sit down." Severus said sharply, and waited for the boy to comply. "If you continue to lie to me, you will find the consequences most unpleasant." At that the boy paled, and swallowed thickly. Snape cursed himself, this was _not _helping. How easy it was to fall into the trap of how things had been. He took a breath before continuing in a quieter voice. "Potter, you are not 'all right'. 'All right' people do not panic when their teachers try touch them nor do they flinch whenever their friends knock into them. Nor throw themselves down staircases." Potter looked surprised at him, cheeks flushing. "Yes I know about that." He said, fighting the urge to smirk. "You are anything but all right"

"I'm managing just fine"

"Are you?" Snape asked, abruptly moving his arm. Potter flinched, then looked down again. For a moment Severus thought the boy was trying to hide tears, but looking again he realised not. In fact Potter looked angry if anything.

"What do you want?" He bit out, glaring at him. Definitely angry.

"Nothing." He said calmly

"Of course you do. You wouldn't be helping me otherwise. Do you expect me to believe your doing it of the goodness in your heart? After showing me nothing but contempt and hatred for 5 years?" The boy was shaking now, although from anger or fear or what Severus was unsure.

…..

Harry stood shaking, hands on the desk, not even realising he had stood up. He tried to hold onto the anger that had suddenly seized him, trying to mask the fear that was starting to rise in him againHe managed. Barely. He had to make the man understand is help was not needed nor wanted. He had to made Snape not want to help him.

Snape just kept watching him over his steepled hands, seemly unmoved by his outburst.

"Potter," He spoke quite calmly, pensively even, "I will not deny it, I did not like you. At all. You reminded me of everything I hated school. But I am offering you help now." Harry snorted, but his teacher merely raised an eyebrow before continuing. "Do you think me so hard hearted and cruel I would ignore you? Whatever happened to you?"

……

From the look on Potter's face, evidently he indeed did. Ah well, it was true he had not shown the boy much that would change such an opinion. "Even if I were, I could not. All teachers at Hogwarts take an oath Potter, that they shall look after the students best interests. To help ensure students are not harmed by their teachers."

"It hasn't worked very well though has it?" The boy asked derisively. "Quirrel, Barty Crouch Jr. and Umbridge managed just fine."

"No system is foolproof Potter. There are always ways to bend the rules. As I'm sure you are _fully_ aware of." Potter at least had the grace to blush. "And as usual it works in your favour. I need only tell the Headmaster if I do not deal with it myself."

"So you are going to 'deal' with me then?" He spat. Severus forced himself not to snap back. He suspected the boy's anger was nothing more than a twisted defence but he still had to hold back the acid retort on his tongue. "Yes Potter. Sit down"

The boy just glared at him. He looked back, trying to keep his own glare minimal. Potter gave in first and sat down unwillingly, still glaring. Severus fought the urge to sigh.

"Once I have checked your injuries you may go."

"They're fine."

"Regardless I must check Potter. Such potions cannot be used unmonitored."

….

Harry did not want Snape to come near him, or touch him. But the man wasn't going to put up with it. It would be fine he told himself. He was strong, he wasn't going to let the man hurt him.

He got up and stood next to the desk, wishing his stomach would stop its uneasy twisting as Snape stood and came to him. He shed his robes and stood as the man began checking the wounds that had began to knit together. He forced himself not to flinch or move away. He was strong.

….

Although the boy stood quietly enough and let him check him, Severus could feel his anxiety. Potter did not want or like him being so close. Still at least it was not the abject fear that it had been in that first occlumency lesson.

Potter's wounds where healing well, although the scars remained bearing witness to what had happened to the boy. His eyes traced the scars down Potter's back. He could see that the boys' legs must also have had some damage: the scars did not stop at Potter's waist. That first night he had not thought Potter would be able to take him asking more though so he had not queried it.

"Do you have injuries on your legs Potter?"

"Y-yes sir." Potter stiffened, turning around quickly. Severus felt his anxiety spike dramatically. At least he hadn't tried to deny it.

"Calm down Potter." The boy probably thought he was going to make him take off his jeans as well. "Are the healing as well?"

"Y-yes." The boy wanted to get away, he could see how he was trying to edge back.

"You are sure Potter?" He kept his voice steady.

"Yes s-sir." He would let the boy go before he panicked.

"You may go then."

Potter grabbed his robe, through it on and was through the door almost before he had put his amulet over his head.

Severus sighed. Dealing with Potter was not going to be fun.


	13. Chapter 13

A/N: Wow, I know its been ages since i last updated. Sorry!! But my exams are nearly finished and so is the school term so i will hopefully be able to devote some more time to this story. Thank you for reading!! I would like to know if anyone is interested in beta'ing for me as my old beta unfortunately no longer has the time. Also is there anybody who knows how to get ff . net to stop changing formatting?

**Chapter Thirteen **

Harry stopped outside the Gryffidor portrait hole and forced his breathing to slow down. He smoothed his robes, while trying to stop his hands from shaking. It would not do to let his friends or anyone else see him like this. Not after he had tried so hard all weekend to act normally. With a final deep breath he pushed the portrait open and went into the almost deserted common room.

Hermione was sitting at one of the big tables, slumped over her Herbology essay, quill loose in her grip. Harry smiled slightly: trust Hermione to stay up all night finishing an essay that was only due the next week. He shook her gently awake before.

"You all right Harry?" She asked groggily.

"Yeah I'm ok. You've got ink on your face."

"Oh what? Where?" She rubbed her face where he pointed. "You look dreadfully pale." She said concernedly, studying him.

"Just a hard session that's all."

"You sure?" She was still giving him a scrutinizing look.

"Yeah. I've just been tired lately. Not that it's ever an excuse with Snape." He smiled wearily at her, watching her smudge ink over her face instead of cleaning it.

"How are the lessons going?"

"I'm improving. I think. Sort of." She gave him a stern look, the effect of which was ruined by her black smeared cheeks. Harry almost laughed.

"What?" Hermione demanded. He gestured at her face.

"Come here." She leant forward. He pulled out his wand and cast a cleaning charm.

"Thanks," she said, half laughing. "But seriously Harry, are the lessons helping? You haven't been tired so much as completely exhausted. Ron said you hardly sleep."

Harry felt a twinge of irritation that they'd been talking about him. "It's getting better now."

He wouldn't tell her it wasn't the visions that kept him up so much as the dreams. The dreams were so much worse. "I think I'm gonna hit the sack. Night"

"Night Harry."

Harry headed to bed, passing all his snoring dorm mates. Quietly he opened his trunk and medicated himself with the dastardly foul tasting concoctions Snape had given him as well as his own. He held his stomach as the nausea swept through him. In all fairness Snape's potions were making him heal more quickly. But how he hated the feeling they gave him.

He slid under his duvet, pulling his hangings closed as he did. His thoughts slid back to the evening's session with the Potions Master. He thought he was going to handle it better than he had. But when Snape said some of those things… He'd just got so angry. Angry at Snape for interfering. With himself for being afraid. Maybe he was also angry that Snape was not behaving like he normally did. He didn't fit into the mould he had for the last five years of Harry's Hogwarts career. He shouted at Snape, and Snape didn't retaliate. Didn't shout or take points or anything else like he used to. And it scared Harry because it meant that he couldn't predict what the man would do next…Merlin! What if he was angry at Harry tomorrow for the way he had acted? He never would have done that at home. Ever. What would Snape do? What would he do?

He would handle it he told himself firmly. He had to.

But worse of all when Snape asked about his legs… Harry had been so scared he would tell him to take off his jeans. He would have run away there and then if the man had. Just the thought of it made him uneasy; it dredged up memories far better forgotten. Harry glanced at his hands that were still shaking slightly. What was wrong with him? Where was his resolve to be strong?

Sighing, he rolled over. He didn't really want to sleep. Maybe he should go for a walk? No he really should at least try… He was going to need it if Snape was going to teach him combat.

* * *

"Won't you stay behind for a few minutes Harry?" 

Harry ground his teeth at his Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher's request. He continued tucking his books into his bag as the rest of the class filed out for lunch, chattering excitedly about the new section on curses Lupin had said they would begin tomorrow. When they were all gone, Harry looked to the teacher. He was pretty sure he knew what Remus was going to say and he knew he couldn't answer him.

Lupin came to sit on the desk besides him, watching him intently. Harry tried to put his unease aside. The man would know.

"Harry I'm worried about you." Lupins' eyes searched his face. "You've been so distant since the holidays. And you keep trying to push me away."

Harry looked down, avoiding his teacher's eyes. Lupin didn't understand who he really was; what he really was. He didn't understand that if Harry didn't keep pushing him away he was going to end up dead. Or worse, he would find out what he, Harry, really was. Or more precisely, wasn't. "Harry?"

Not only that. Lupin had loved Sirius like a brother. How could the man look at him, at Harry? His brother's murderer. Guilt stabbed at his heart.

Lupin moved his hand towards him. Harry forced himself not to flinch.

"I-" What could he say? What would make Lupin stopped his endless, relentless probing? He loved the man. He didn't deserve to. That's why he had to keep him and the others from coming too close. They would only get hurt, one way or another. "I've just been busy. You know, all the work we've got this year."

"That's not really why, is it?" Lupin asked gently.

Harry didn't answer. Why wouldn't the man just let it go? Couldn't he understand that some things were better left alone? Like him.

"Is it Sirius?" That made Harry look up. He could see the pain in Remus' eyes. Pain he caused. Pain he had caused because he was weak. He hated himself so much.

"Harry… I know it's hard. It hurts to talk about him. But it helps." Lupin looked at him again. That intense, scrutinising gaze. "I'm here if you want to."

He most definitely did _not_ want to talk about it. He just wanted to get out before his culpability overwhelmed him.

"I'll keep that in mind sir." He mumbled as he stood, swinging his bag over his shoulder as he did. "Thanks." As he walked out the classroom he could feel his teacher's gaze on his back.

Harry headed for the Great Hall to join the others for lunch. Before he entered he dashed the tears that were threatening to fall and tried to still the guilt that felt like it was trying to claw its way out of his chest. Be strong he told himself. They can't see you like this.

Taking a deep breath he entered.

/\/\/\/\

Severus watched Potter walk into the hall for lunch. He joined his friends quickly and helped himself to a small plate of food. The boy still wasn't eating enough. Potter sat quietly and ate, watching his friends tease each other.

"Severus?" He heard Dumbledore querying tone.

"Sorry, what was that Headmaster?"

"I was just commenting that Harry seems to be settling down again."

Not likely, Severus thought to himself. He's putting his mask back on. "He's certainly socialising more."

"You think something is wrong still?" Asked Dumbledore over his goblet of pumpkin juice.

"I intend to keep an eye on him."

"Perhaps it would be wise to keep two. I have been worried about him" The Headmaster sighed. "You have had news on the other front?" Severus knew he was talking about the Dark Lord.

"Not much. There is to be another gathering next weekend although we have not been told what it is about."

"Very well. I think perhaps we should look to further tightening the schools security. Voldemort may think to give a show of power against us."

He too had heard whispered rumours of it. "What did you have in mind?"

"New wards and strengthening of old ones, among other things."

"I thought that had been finished in the holidays?"

"Indeed Severus. But every caution must be taken. I think there is still room for improvement." The Potions Master nodded. He too would prefer Hogwarts to be as secure as possible.

The bell rang. The students began rushing to class as the professors too stood and departed to teach. Snape rose with them. He had the sixth years next, which meant Potter and Malfoy together, which in turn meant he had to watch the class like a hawk. Good Merlin, he was going to kill whoever decided to put those two houses

\/\/\/\/

Harry followed Hermione into the potions lab, pretending listening to her chatter on about something or other. He couldn't concentrate on what she was saying, he was more concerned how Snape would act after last night.

They were setting up their cauldrons for the lesson as the Potions Master stalked through the door, causing an instantaneous silence to fall over the class.

"Open your books to page twenty three." There was an immediate rustle as books were pulled open and correct pages found. "We will be brewing the base for a pain relieve potion shown in your books today. The base must be brewed absolutely correctly or it is worthless. It also needs to be left to mature for twelve to sixteen hours before it can be used in pain relieve potion. Why would it need to be matured?" The professor gave a contemptuous look around the class when only Hermione raised her hand. His eyes scanned the class before picking a victim.

"Potter why would this be?"

Harry's stomach clenched in fear before he caught himself. It was just a stupid question for Merlin's sake! What was wrong with him? He saw Malfoy smirking behind his hand and the class looked at him expectantly. Snape was watching him intently too, a derisive expression on his face. Quickly he scanned the ingredient list. He was not going to give Malfoy the pleasure of watching him lose points for Gryffidor. Or Snape for that matter. But which ingredient needed twelve hours…

"We are waiting Potter." Snape said, the sneer in his voice unmistakable.

Harry again caught himself before he flinched at the man's tone. "I think it's because the willow bark takes time to become magically potent enough to cure pain, sir." He managed to get out without stuttering. Malfoy stopped smirking once he realised that Harry had apparently managed the correct answer. Hermione's hand dropped disappointedly.

"Indeed." He wished Snape would stop looking at him like he could see right through him. "Begin brewing. Those of you who do not brew it properly will be in detention brewing it until you get it correct." With that there was another busy rustle as everyone began gathering the necessary ingredients.

Harry's heart sank. No doubt Snape was going to make him fail this one intentionally so he could pretend he had detention instead of occlumency. He started working, determined not to give the Potions Master the chance.

…..

Severus was prowling among the students, keeping a sharp eye out for anyone foolish enough to make a mistake. It was not a particularly difficult potion base to brew but the dunderheads he had to teach were capable of taking the simplest potion and ruining it beyond recognition.

He stalked among the Gryffidors, watching how each student carefully sliced their willow bark into regularly sized chunks, snapping at those who were not doing it properly. Granger and Potter were at the back, talking quietly about something. No, arguing. He moved a bit closer…

….

"Come off it Hermione, he would and you know it." Harry muttered, carefully stirring his potion anti-clockwise as it turned green.

"He's a teacher, he can't" she whispered back as she put her slithered splice root into her cauldron.

"Hasn't stopped him before. I'm just saying, keep an eye out."

"Harry…"

"Hermione please. I'm not asking you much here." Harry was getting frustrated with her.

"Fine, fine. I still don-"

"5 Points from Gryffidor. You are not to talk in this lesson" Came a cold voice from behind them.

Hermione let out a surprised grasped. Harry's head whipped round so fast he nearly cricked his neck. His heart thudded wildly in his chest. Snape was standing behind them. How much had he heard? If the man had not been angry before then he must be now. Harry wanted to kick himself. Why had he said anything in the first place? He should have just managed on his own. He forced himself to concentrate on his brewing. He didn't know why he was so edgy all of a sudden. Maybe it was Lupin and his talk of Sirius. Quickly he shoved that thought out his head too. Now was most definitely not the time to be thinking of that.

He counted twenty stirs clockwise then 6 anti-clockwise and added his willow bark. He was not going to screw this potion up.

….

Severus leant against his desk. The class was quiet, concentrating solely on finishing their potions so as to not incur his wrath. As the bell rung, he told them to bottle a sample of potion and put it on his desk as well as move their cauldrons aside to let the potion mature. It didn't look like anyone had failed for a change. The threat of detention seemed to be a good motivator.

He watched Potter whispering something to Granger who rolled her eyes before grimly, almost cautiously coming to put his sample on the desk. He wondered why the boy was acting so oddly today. No doubt he would find out later.

/\/\/\/\

Harry carefully carried his potion sample forward, keeping an eye out for Snape. He wasn't going to let the man spill or knock his potion out of Harry's hands as he had done in the past. Unfortunately it was not the direction of the Potion Master that trouble decided to come from. Harry was so intent on watching Snape he didn't see Malfoy's spiteful grin. He didn't realise that the blond had stuck his foot into Harry's path until he tripped over it, and went crashing to the ground, his potion vial shattering as he landed. He jumped up, completely furious, to see Malfoy and company laughing maliciously at his apparent clumsiness. Harry was on the verge of drawing his wand, as was Malfoy, when…

"What is going on here?" Said a cold voice from behind them.

"Just helping Potter clean up his potion sir," The blond replied promptly, "Potter seems to have the same gene for clumsiness as Longbottom."

Harry was seething as Snape turned to give him an appraising look. He was too angry to back down. Besides saying anything would just be giving the man ammunition.

"Detention then Potter, you have nothing to hand in."

"I do sir," Harry bit out, "I've got more in my cauldron." Malfoy's gloating face froze.

"I see." Said Snape whose voice had reached glacial levels. "Get it then. The rest of you, out." There was a rush as students hurried to escape. Malfoy gave Harry one last glare before he left. Harry quickly scooped another sample and placed it on the professor's desk before hastening after Hermione.


	14. Chapter 14

A/N: Hey guys, i'm reposting this beta'd, hopefully its up to scratch now. I'd like to thank jharad17, my new beta for this grammatical miracle and also say thank-you to everybody who offered, it is appreciated.

**Chapter 14**

"Sit."

Harry complied, settling himself in the chair in front of the Potions Master's desk.

"Before we begin I wish to make some things abundantly clear." Snape looked at him over the expanse of desk between them before continuing, "Firstly what I said remains true: I will not hurt you, Potter. Not in these lessons or at any other time. However, you must bear in mind that this in combat training and will require physical contact. Secondly you are not to slack off in Occlumency. Although you are not yet sufficiently good enough to combine the two, you will need to continue practising both. Understood?"

Harry nodded, wondering just how difficult this lesson was going to be. When Snape gestured for him to stand, he did so quickly.

"We will begin with the same exercise as last time. Then I will teach the basic fighting stances. Create a barrier in your mind."

True to his word the Potions Master made him walk around the classroom for little over twenty minutes, Occluding and listening to directions. He thought it was going better than last time, although he still had to fight the urge to glance back and make sure Snape was not moving.

/\/\/\/\

Severus watched the boy walking back and forth. He was Occluding somewhat at least. In fact, as long as Severus was perfectly still, Potter was fine, even if the shield was weak. However, as soon as he so much as shifted his weight the boy's head would whip around and his mental shield would crumble. He fought the urge to sigh. Potter was trying at least. _Patience, Severus. _

Eventually he called a halt to Potter's pacing, motioning for him to stand in the middle of the cleared space. Severus stood to join the boy, not missing how the boy tensed and backed away a little as soon as he realised what he intended to do.

/\/\/\/\

Harry moved to the space, feeling a little more relaxed. Snape hadn't shouted at his stumbling efforts at least. Hopefully that was a good thing. But when the man stood and moved round the desk toward him, Harry was no longer so sure. Funny how having a desk between them felt so much safer.

"The first thing I am going to teach you are the basic stances and movement patterns one can use. Watch to begin with."

Harry stepped back as Snape took a stance, hands slightly raised, body relaxed. Then he rapidly began a series of movements, arm and legs whirling around, motions flowing fluidly from one to another. As quickly as he had begun, he stopped.

"That, Potter, was five movement patterns combined. You will learn them separately before combining them. By the time we have finished this, you will be able to do them in your sleep, and Occluding while doing them will be child's play."

"W-why, sir?" Harry asked hesitantly, slightly flabbergasted at what the Potions Master had just done.

"Why what, Potter?"

"It's just, I-I don't see how it's fighting."

Snape gave him a withering look. "They are movement patterns one would use while engaged in combat. Their purpose is to let your body move automatically while you concentrate on hitting the other person."

"O-ok." Harry looked around uncertainly, not knowing what to do.

"I would suggest removing your robes, they are only likely to hinder you."

He had no intention of taking off his clothes unless Snape intended to force him. "I'm fine as is, sir."

Snape's eyes narrowed. "Very well then."

/\/\/\/\

Severus narrowed his eyes. Potter, it seemed, had no intention of co-operating willingly. Well, they would see how long it took the boy to trip wearing such cumbersome robes.

"To begin with, stand straight, legs apart, arms hanging at your side." The boy complied, standing awkwardly. "Relax your body, Potter."

"I am, sir."

"No, you aren't," Severus said disparagingly. "Your shoulders are hunched and your fists are clenched."

The boy adjusted, but was still tense. Severus resisted the urge to go something more drastic than sigh. He moved to take up the first stance, ignoring how Potter tensed further.

"Copy my position."

Potter looked at him, mimicking his pose. As Severus slowly moved, the boy tried to emulate him.

"This is the first movement, Potter," Severus spoke as he continued moving. "You need to remember them. Again."

He went through it again, the boy clumsily trying to keep up, but managing.

"Right, now on your own. I am going to correct you as you move, Potter."

/\/\/\/\

Harry was a little apprehensive as he took position with his hands raised, Snape standing nearby watching.

"Relax, Potter," the man said coolly.

_Not likely_ Harry thought. He was finding it a little difficult to relax when he wasn't sure what Snape was going to do. He took a breath and began to go through the motion, moving his arms and legs in sequence, and trying not to forget the order he was supposed to be following.

"Again. Slower this time, Potter. Each move must be deliberate."

Harry did as he was told. It was hard doing it slower, more difficult to balance…

/\/\/\/\

Severus watched the boy as he went through the movement. It was in essence correct, but not quite. Potter was still hunching his shoulders which in turn did not allow him to straighten his arms properly. It was because the boy still was tense- obviously telling him to relax was doing nothing. Severus stepped closer, and put his hands on the teenager's shoulders to push them down…

/\/\/\/\

Harry was rather focussed on not losing his balance and was therefore not watching the Potion Master as much as he had been earlier. So he was not prepared for the two hands that suddenly pushed down on his shoulders.

He let out a strangled yell as he tried to twist away from the man's hands and promptly toppled over as his feet caught on his robe.

/\/\/\/\/\

Severus let go of the boy as he lost balance and fell to the floor. Some lessons needed to learnt the hard way.

"That, Mr. Potter, is precisely why I suggested you remove your robe," he said, unable to stop the smirk curling on his lip, and ignoring how the child cowered back. "Get up."

The boy scrambled to his feet, eyeing Severus. The fact that the boy was still reacting so violently to being touched when having been warned warranted thought. It was going to make this even more difficult. Perhaps further clarification would help.

"You are going to repeat that sequence slowly. I am going to correct you as I said earlier. That means that I will touch you, Potter. Do not panic or do anything equally stupid. Begin."

/\/\/\/\

Harry steeled himself, not wanting to freak out again. He tried to hide his disbelief: Snape was standing quite calmly, waiting for him to begin, ignoring the fact Harry had just flipped out. He thought the man was going to be angry at the very least- he had after all told Harry what he was going to do…

"I do not have all evening, Potter."

"Y-yes, sir. Sorry, sir." Harry took up position and started to move.


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15**

The next morning Severus' gaze followed Potter as he crossed the Great Hall with a sidekick on either side of him. The trio sat down in their usual places at the Gryffidor Table and began helping themselves to breakfast. Well, the other two did. Potter merely observed until Granger said something to him, then watched him until he put a helping of porridge onto his plate. Why was Potter not eating properly?

"Harry has been progressing at combat?" Dumbledore asked quietly.

"We have only had two lessons, Headmaster."

"And?"

"I have taught him only basic positions so far," Snape replied.

Dumbledore did not seem the least bit phased by his short answers. Severus had had to go to a Death Eater meeting the night before and was, as a result, not in the best of moods. Not that that was unusual.

"Madame Pomfrey wishes to see you."

"You mean you wish her to see me," Severus replied irritably.

"Indeed," he said, almost cheerfully.

"I am quite capable of looking after myself. I do not need her to fuss over me and give me my own potions," Snape snapped.

"Come now Severus-"

"I will not!"

"Do calm down, Severus." He could see Dumbledore's eyes twinkling. "It will put my mind to rest as well."

He gave up. He knew he would end up doing what the codger wanted in the end, regardless of what argument he made.

Disgruntled, he finished his breakfast and swept out of the Hall to prepare for his first, most unfortunate class.

/\/\/\/\/\

The hairs on Harry's neck prickled. He turned from the plant he was supposed to be re-potting. His eyes landed on Malfoy who had a malicious smirk on his face and was whispering with the other Slytherins.

"You know, Malfoy's been staring at me a lot this past week."

"Just ignore him, Harry," came Hermione's distracted voice. She was trying to wrestle her young Terecula seedling into a pot. Its roots clung to the sides of the pot as it squeaked its indignation.

"He has been acting kinda weird lately," Ron said as he shoved his own seedling into a pot. "Maybe he's up to something."

"But what?"

"Dunno."

"He can hardly try anything more than jinx you, Harry," Hermione huffed. She finally managed to get the seedling in and covered it quickly with soil, muffling its squeals.

"I don't know…"

"Time's up! Pack away your equipment, put re-potted plants on the side!" Professor Sprout shouted as the bell rang.

They packed up and hurried back to the castle, the cold blustery wind whipping up their cloaks around them. Nobody wanted to be late for Potions, not with Professor Snape stalking about as he was, in an even worse mood than normal.

"Do you think there was a meeting last night?" Hermione whispered to Harry as they hurried down the dungeon steps with the rest of their class.

"I think so."

"You had a vision?"

Harry shook his head. Not that it meant that he had slept any better.

Soon after they arrived Snape swept into the room, robes billowing ominously. The usual absolute silence fell over the class.

"Today's brew will be Pepper Up potion. Madame Pomfrey wishes to restock the infirmary before the first snows. This is an extremely easy potion to brew. I would expect fourth years to be able to manage it effortlessly. I expect a full, useable batch from _everybody_. Each of you will drink a small sample before you leave the classroom, to prove that the batch is useable, so I suggest you brew it correctly. Begin." Snape barked and went to his desk.

The Gryffindors in the room exchanged anxious looks. Even the Slytherin students seemed a little nervous. The Potions Master was _not_ in a good temper.

As they set out their ingredients Harry whispered a "Please just watch him." to which Hermione rolled her eyes. Harry was still worried that Snape might try to give him a month's worth detention by messing up his potion. The students carefully cut their willow bark into fine slivers, then stirred and poured ingredients into their cauldrons. Harry actually thought his was going rather well. Easy potion though it might have been to brew, his had exactly the same shade and consistency as Hermione's, which was always a good sign.

Snape watched intently as he always did when they brewed. Before the lesson ended he called for everyone to bottle and label their concoctions and put them on his desk as well as to put a small sample in a vial.

"Before you may leave, I will come around all the desks. You must show me your potion, and then you will drink it. If you feel unwell, say so _immediately. _I will not tolerate people poisoning themselves with a botched potion simply because they will not admit to it." There were some rather alarmed looks around the class. It was one thing to brew something, quite another to have to drink. Especially with such high stakes.

"We will start at the front and work back."

/\/\/\/\/\

"Why are your ears smoking?" Ron asked around a mouthful of food.

"We had to test our samples of Pepper Up Potion," Hermione answered as she helped herself to some vegetables.

"He made you test them?" Ginny stared in disbelief. "Why?"

"To check if they were safe for use in the infirmary." she answered. Harry nodded agreement. He personally had been very worried the potion was going to make him feel even worse with all the other concoctions Snape was making him take. He had been absolutely right. He felt even more awful than usual.

"Did anybody mess up?" Ginny asked, still looking a little shocked.

"No. Everybody was scared Snape wouldn't give them an antidote if they did." Harry answered.

"Why aren't you eating Harry?" Hermione asked sharply. She had been watching him closely lately.

"I really don't feel that well."

"Your potion?" she asked immediately. Ginny eyes widened even further.

"I don't think so… Snape didn't even comment on it. He only doesn't say stuff when nothing is wrong with something…"

"Good point."

"I'm going to the bathroom." Harry stood up to leave.

"Are you sure you're all right?" Hermione asked, sounding concerned. "You look pale."

Ron muttered agreement around his mouthful of food.

"Ya, I'm fine," Harry lied. "I just want to splash water on my face." He walked quickly away. He was going to be sick.

As soon as he was out the Hall, he sprinted for the bathroom. At the first one he saw, he ducked in, rushed to the toilet and promptly started throwing up. Once there was nothing left in his stomach to bring up, he sagged against the wall of the cubicle. He felt like he had been hit by the Knight Bus. His head throbbed and his stomach still twisted queasily. All he wanted to do was stay here a while and enjoy the little solitude it provided, away from prying questions and worried looks.

But then Harry should have known that things never worked out were he was concerned.

"I thought, Potter," a cold voice said behind him, "I instructed you to tell me if you felt ill."

/\/\/\/\/\

Severus had just been coming up the stairs from the dungeon to get some dinner when he saw a boy with an unruly mob of black hair race away as soon as he was out of the Great Hall. Curious, of course, as to where Potter was going at such speed, he followed the boy.

He slipped quietly into the bathroom Potter dived into, only to find the boy retching into the toilet. Potter slid miserably down the wall when he was done. Of course, it would be Potter who did not follow the rules.

"I thought, Potter, I instructed you to tell me if you felt ill," Snape said coldly, containing his anger and urge to start yelling.

The boy jerked his head up. He blanched when he saw who it was and scrambled to his feet.

"Well?" Severus snapped.

"I-I don't think there was a-anything wrong with my potion, s-sir." Potter stuttered.

Severus arched his eyebrow sceptically. "Then why, pray tell, are you vomiting?"

Potter pressed back against the wall, eyes wide. The boy was obviously terrified.

"I th-think it's those potions y-you g-g-gave me, sir."

"_What_?" His potions? It couldn't be… He mentally started listing ingredients. "Since when?"

"Every time I take them," Potter said wretchedly.

Every time he took them? The boy had been taking them for more than a week.

"Why did you not say anything?" he demanded angrily. How could the boy be so stupid?

/\/\/\/\/

Harry flinched at Snape's tone. He stared at his hands, wishing he could be anywhere else other than cornered in a bathroom stall by a tall, angry man. He tried to calm his racing heart.

"I didn't k-know how they were supposed to work and I-I didn't want to bother you…" That was an understatement. He felt that questioning a Potion Master as volatile as Snape on his own potions was, perhaps, not the wisest or safest idea.

"Potter, I am trying to help you!" The man said irritably. "I cannot do so when you will not tell me what is going on."

"I told you I don't want your help," Harry said before he realised what he was saying. Suddenly the stall seemed very small. He started shaking.

"And I told you, Potter, what the consequences of not accepting my help will be," Snape said almost calmly. "What potions have you been taking?"

"Just the ones y-you gave me. And my p-pain potion."

The man looked at him sharply. "Your pain potion?"

"Y-yes."

"Why are you still taking that?" Snape asked in a quiet voice. Why was he looking at him like that?

"I've only taken it two or t-three times." It had been more out of habit than necessity, but somehow Harry didn't think telling him that was a good idea either.

"I see."

/\/\/\/\/\

Well that would explain the nausea. Severus had expected the boy would stop taking the pain potion as soon as his wounds healed. Apparently that was not the case. But then, healing potions of that strength always contained dangerously addictive ingredients.

"Listen to me carefully, Potter." The boy looked at him anxiously. "You have to stop taking that potion immediately. Do not take any other potions either, until our lesson tomorrow evening. I will give you a potion to clear your system then."

"Why?" The boy looked a bit puzzled.

"Because, evidently, Potter they do not mix well." he snapped before he could catch himself. The boy flinched again. Severus took a deep breath before continuing, "Brenson's Brew is extremely addictive. If you cannot stop taking it there are going to problems."

"P-problems?"

"Yes, Potter. Problems. I cannot deal with an addiction."

"You'll tell?" The boy was beginning to look panicky.

"I won't have to."

"What do you m-mean?"

"The answer is, once again, obvious." The boy looked at him, apparently confused. Severus was about to make a derogatory comment when he realised the boy had not been brought up in the magical world and he probably genuinely did not know. "Magical addictions are different to those that Muggles experience, Potter. A wizard's magic is as much affected as his body. When addiction occurs, their magic becomes unreliable. It can lash out or fade, depending on the circumstances. Their magic becomes dangerously unpredictable. Someone is bound to notice."

Severus could see the boy becoming more distressed and uncomfortable. He did not want the boy to panic and run. He sighed. "Just go to bed, Potter. Don't eat anything or take any potions. Our lesson will be at 7 o'clock tomorrow evening."

He stepped back, and Potter made his escape, not running but not really walking either. Severus pinched the bridge of his nose. How had he landed himself in this mess?

/\/\/\/\

Harry forced himself to slow down and walked the rest of the way to the Gryffindor tower. He had thought that Snape meant to tell… He could think of nothing worse. His hand went to his pocket where he kept all his vials. He would put the blue potion into his trunk and leave it there. No matter how much of a life line it had provided, he could not afford to become addicted. Not if it meant they would find out.

Still it was with a despairing heart that Harry closed the vial in a trunk compartment. His potion had helped him get by so far that year. He could almost pretend that when he drank it, the potion took away not only the physical pain but the emotional as well, as if the blue liquid were numbing his heart.

Sighing, and trying not to think about the vials, now locked away, Harry pulled out his bag and started his Transfiguration homework.


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16**

Harry walked into the library where he had agreed to meet Ron and Hermione to do homework for an hour before he had to go down to the dungeons. He spotted them at one of the tables near the back. Their heads where together and they were whispering feverishly. Curiously Harry walked closer, moving behind the book racks so that wouldn't see him.

"… Hermione he isn't going to like that at all." Ron said, shaking his head.

"I _know_ Ron, but I'm really worried. I know he's grieving but he can't keep going like this. Lets just talk to him."

"Give him some more time, he'll come round. He was loads better last weekend."

"But…"

Harry backed away. He didn't want to hear anymore. The anger he felt at them talking about behind his back overrode the guilt of spying on his friends. In a way, he supposed, that they were trying to help but it irritated him immensely anyway. They wanted their 'Harry' back. His normal self. They didn't like him as he was now. Not that he could blame, he didn't like who he was. But still…

He realised, perhaps too late that he was walking along the Defence Against the Dark Arts corridor. Just as he was about turn and hurry away, Lupin came out of his office.

"Hello, Harry" The man said, smiling at him. Too late.

"Hi sir."

"Would you like to come in?" He asked gesturing to his office.

"Sorry sir, can't." Harry replied, trying to smile back. It wasn't really a lie but he still felt horrible for it. "I've got a lesson with Snape now."

The werewolf seemed to frown almost. "Alright then see you around."

"Bye sir." Harry walked down the corridor. He could feel Lupins' eyes on his back until he turned the corner.

It was still too soon to go down. Harry figured he could just wait outside the door for fifteen minutes. He really didn't feel like bumping into anyone else. At least the dungeons wouldn't be busy this time of night.

The Entrance Hall was deserted as Harry suspected it would be. He quietly went down the stairs on the side. Reaching the door, he slid down the wall next to it. Folding his arms over his legs he thought perhaps he could get some last minute occlumency practice. Taking a breath he pushed his anger and confused thoughts away.

/\/\/\/\/\

Severus muttered mutinously under his breath as walked through his office to the door. Dumbledore was a menace. The man wouldn't let him move his private stores cupboard into his lab. Some rubbish about hazards that it might produce and that the task of resetting all the charms on it was too onerous. _He_ was a bloody Potions master. _He_ knew about the hazards for Merlin's sake! If _he_ wanted to move _his_ personal cupboard into _his_ lab, it should be _his _business. He shouldn't have to trek across the dungeons for his ingredients! He was more than willing to bet the man thought he would spent all his time in his lab doing research or making potions. And why not? It was_his_ time after all!

He stalked across the class intent on getting some rattlesnake venom from his private store cupboard to add to the brew he was making and through the door open. He was expecting a bang, not a surprised yelp and crack from the other side as it thudded against something softer than the wall.

Severus whipped out his wand and through the door back angrily. He hated being caught off guard. He almost always knew when people where around since hardly anyone thought to conceal their thoughts when they tried to hide. Who would have the audacity to try catch him unawares outside his own classroom? The door crashed back into its frame, revealing none other than Potter crouched against the wall holding his head. He looked up in horror through cracked glasses, straight down the point of Severus' wand. His arms flew up protectively.

"Potter!" He snapped. "What are you doing?"

"W-waiting sir." The boy replied weakly.

"What?" That through him slightly. "Behind the door?"

"I was t-too early."

"How good of you to see fit not to be tardy." Severus sneered sarcastically. He forced himself to relax. Potter was pressed as far against the wall as he could manage, his arms crossed over his head and chess defensively and he was nearly going squint with the effort of keeping Severus' wand in focus. He could definitely sense his emotions now. Fear, horror and shock. Severus flicked his wrist, causing the boy to recoil, but it was meant merely to repair his glasses.

"Go inside. I will return shortly"

Potter scrambled up as soon as he stepped back.

/\/\/\/\/\

Harry just about collapsed into a desk inside. He had thought the man was going to hex him. The man had looked furious. He shook his head, trying to stop it ringing and shake loose the fear that had lodged itself in his throat. He wondered why Snape, who was usually so stealthy, was in such a mood that he would throw the door open so violently. He willed his heart to stop hammering against his ribs.

Just then Snape returned, closing the door behind him with a distinct click. Locked. Harry swallowed hard.

"You were practising?"

"S-sorry?" Harry asked nonplussed.

"When you were gracing the floor outside my door with you presence," he sneered, "you were occluding, were you not?"

"Y-yes"

"You have improved."

"T-thank you sir" Harry was confused. First the man was angry then he was… complimenting him? He shifted nervously.

"However Potter I must warn you. I do _not_ like being caught unawares. It would not be wise to do something like that again." Snape was looking at him with a rather shrewdly. Harry felt the urge to raise his mental barriers. He hated how it felt like the man was looking right into him.

"We are going to start basic defence and attacking today."

/\/\/\/\/\

Severus had thought very carefully about this. He was not quite sure exactly _how _he was going to teach the boy defence without Potter panicking. He would see how things went.

"Take your robe and amulet off." He said, standing up and walking into the space he had cleared as usual for their lesson. He watched the boy reluctantly removing his black school robe and even more reluctantly, the stone around his neck. At least, Severus thought as it came off, his face was no longer black and blue.

"I want you to punch my hand Potter." He said, holding it up, palm facing the boy. "As hard and accurately as you can."

The boy looked at his hand dubiously. Severus could see that this simple task was raising some objects in Potter's mind. He suspected one of them was that it meant coming closer to him.

"Tonight, Potter, if you please."

The boy stepped forward hesitantly. He balled his fist and hit Severus' hand. It was a weak hit which was just as well because if he had hit hard with his hand in that position he would have broken his fingers. Snape said as much.

"Hold your hand like so" He demonstrated, showing Potter a his fist, with his thumb resting just below his knuckles. "Try again"

The boy did, moving just close enough to hit his hand and then move away.

/\/\/\/\/\

Harry did not like having to move so close to the Potion's master. He didn't like it when the man moved into his space either which had made the other combat sessions with him very uncomfortable to say the least.

"Again Potter. Harder." Harry was trying. The man had no idea how hard it was for him to hit him. It was difficult when his stomach kept twisting with dread every time he did.

"Stop" Snape was looking at him again with his dark calculating eyes. Harry felt exposed.

"Are you afraid to hit me Potter?" How did the man always seem to guess what he was feeling? It was uncanny.

"N-no sir" He felt like it was himself he was trying to convince though.

"Indeed. Try again. You must be able to hit harder. Try using both hands. I am not going to hit you back." Snapes' eyes watch him intently as he moved back and forth, not even blinking as Harry hit him.

/\/\/\/\/\

"I want you to try use your feet to throw your weight behind your fist." Judging by the lack of comprehension on the boy's face, he hadn't a clue what he meant. "Like so Potter." Severus turned so he wasn't facing the boy, braced his feet and punched the air. Potter watched and then tried to copy.

As they continued, Severus made him add punches into his movement routine. While Potter was managing to keep everything together-although awkwardly- he could see that the boy was trying to keep distance between them. Trying to move away from him as they practiced. Eventually he stopped him.

"That's enough Potter."

"Yes sir." The boy replied, relief clear on his face.

"Sit" He motioned to his desk. The boy took a seat in front of it. Folding himself into his chair, Severus looked at him pensively.

"I need to ask you a few questions about the pain potion you have been taking."

"Why?" Harry looked at him warily, shifting in his chair. He added a hasty "sir" on seeing his raised eyebrow.

"Because Potter I find myself wondering how an underage wizard manages to get hold of an extremely addictive substance that generally is only prescribed by trained Healers and then usually only in very serious cases." He said evenly.

"I-" Potter looked like he had no idea what to say. "I didn't really know it was that bad." He finished lamely.

"Indeed. Which leads me to believe that you didn't get by conventional means." Severus said quietly. He had some suspicions about this.

"I didn't s-steal it if that's what you mean"

/\/\/\/\

"How did you come by it?" Snape's voice was level.

"I…" Harry didn't know how to explain it without Snape catching him out for lying or giving something away by accident. Maybe he could get out of it with a bit of truth and omission. "I got it at an apothecary in London." Although Harry hoped against it, he knew that the man was going to want to know more… He wasn't disappointed.

"Which one Potter? It could hardly have been the one in Diagon Alley." He was sure there was a note of impatience in Snape's voice. Harry found himself wanting to put his mental shields weak as they were. It was one more protective layer he could hide behind. But Harry didn't he'd be able to hold the conversation at the same time and the man always seemed to know when he did anyway. Then he would know he was trying to lie or hide something. Harry did not want to make the man angry.

"Well?" Snape looked at him, before adding ""You will not be punished for buying it even if the shop sells items of a….questionable nature."

Harry knew the man wouldn't give up until he said something. "It was in Knockturn Alley" He mumbled hoping it would stop the questions.

/\/\/\/\/

It was like drawing teeth with Potter. Every piece of information he would give had to be dragged out of him. "When?"

"Just before the school term started" He answered, a little too cautiously. Severus got the feeling that the boy was not telling the entire truth but he left it at that.

"Have you taken it since yesterday?" The boy shook his head. "Look me in the eye Potter and tell me you haven't" He had to be sure. The boy hesitated and for a moment he thought he would refuse but, however unwillingly, the boy looked at him and said "No" before wrenching his eyes away. Satisfied Severus reached into his draw and pulled out a potion that would clear the boy's system of all magical substances and handed it to him before dismissing him. Potter was out the door in a shot.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"How was your lesson?" Hermione asked as Harry sat down to join them at the table she and Ron where doing homework at.

"Alright I guess." He said as he dug in his bag for his potions essay. "But you'll never guess what happened on my back here."

"What?" Ron asked. Hermione looked up, interested.

"One guess. It involves everybody's favourite Slytherin."

"Malfoy?"

"Yeah."

"And….?"

"I was walking along the dungeon's corridor and he came around the corner all on his own. And then he started his usual rubbish but then… then he told me to watch myself and he smirked and walked off. It was really weird. Like he knew something I didn't."

"Harry you know what he's like. He loves to think that he's just _so_ well informed. He's probably just trying to scare you." Hermione said impatiently.

"I dunno… I mean if Malfoy thinks he's got the one up on Harry it means trouble." Ron said, trying to look over the pile of books and at Hermione's page. She moved it away without looking.

"Well then we'll just have to be careful. Besides if it comes to a duel Harry will be all right. Won't you Harry?"

Harry nodded thoughtfully.The incident had made him forget he was angry with the two people sitting across from him. Besides which, letting them know he had heard would only bring about an open invitation for them to question him, a situation he wanted to avoid.The conversation turned to when they could next visit Hagrid who they hadn't seen for a while. He excused himself saying he wanted an early night.

Climbing beneath the covers he stared pensively at the vial Snape had given him. Malfoy he could handle- he had for years. The Potions Master was another thing all together. The man just wouldn't leave him alone. He was getting better damn it! He didn't need Snape's help. The mere fact he could walk down the corridor without flinching every time somebody touched him meant he was ok. He was strong; he could do it on his own. He had for a long time. He knocked the contents of the bottle he had been given back in one go and laid down to try and get some rest.


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17**

The weekend meant visiting Hagrid, catching up on sleep and homework that had been left for too long. Ron had insisted on a game of quidditch for which he enlisted their dorm, Lee Jordan and the rest of the Weasley family. It was, in fact, one of the nicest weekends he'd had in a while, Harry thought. He'd managed to smile and joke along with everyone though he hadn't missed the meaningful looks between Ron and Hermione when they thought he wasn't looking. He had even found a bit of time to practice his combat moves, such as they were.

Monday found Harry at the table, eating breakfast with Ron desperately trying to add another five inches onto his transfiguration essay which he had neglected to do. Hermione refused point blank to say anything that might help the redhead but Harry took pity on him and gave him a few ideas. The bell rang and they hurried to their first lessons.

Maybe, Harry thought, just maybe things were finally getting back to normal.

* * *

Severus pinched the bridge of his noses, hoping to ward off the headache he could feel starting behind his eyes. The second years he had been trying to teach were fleeing the classroom. It was to early on a Monday to have to teach the Sixth Year Gryffindor and Slytherin class and yet, here they were trooping through the door. Taking a deep breath he turned to face the class and started about the lesson. His last tactic had worked miracles- everybody had produced a usable batch of potions with no accidents, explosions or grievous injuries. Something to be noted in future. Once everyone had settled into their desks he began the day's lecture on the potion they would be brewing.

"Miss Parkinson, Mr Malfoy, concentrate on me please," He growled and the girl gave a start, hiding whatever they had been looking at under the desk. Draco, however, only smirked slightly "As I was saying, Searing Solution has mostly medicinal purposes such as the removal of growths and other afflictions. It contains buburous pus which has what property, Mr Malfoy?"

Draco looked up at him almost lazily. "It causes boils to form Professor." The boy was as insolent in class as his father had been when they had been at school.

"Yes, therefore you are to be extremely careful with it. Making a mistake with such substances can be disastrous. This is probably one of the most complex potions you have brewed to date so I suggest you concentrate. Begin."

There were shuffling noises as the students unpacked the necessary ingredients and apparatus for the potion.

/\/\/\/\/\

Harry began to carefully slice his Mandrake roots while stirring his cauldron anticlockwise once every minute. The potion they were doing was decidedly more complicated then the Pepper Up Potion. Next to him Hermione was so focused on measuring and mixing the right concentration of crushed beetle eyes that Harry doubted she even realised her tongue was sticking out the corner of her mouth. It looked like everyone's attention was solely on their workstations.

Harry began to alternate the direction of his stirring while adding his ground rat spleen two pinches at a time. He noticed Snape was prowling about as usual. He concentrated harder.

/\/\/\/\/\

Severus stopped at one of the tables on the Gryffindor half of the room and demanded to know where in the book it asked for mangled roots. He forced the boy to start again. This particular potion was entirely too finicky to be make with second rate ingredients.

He looked around, and caught Draco staring surreptitiously at Potter for the second time in the lesson. He walked past and tapped his finger on the desk. The boy snapped out of whatever he had been thinking, blushed slightly at being caught and returned his attention to his desk. He gave the blond Slytherin a hard look before moving on. He did not want more issues between him and Potter during his lessons.

Seeing nothing else to criticize, Severus' allowed his thoughts to turn to the most recent Meeting he had attended. Rumours said there were to be new initiates, and he was worried that the new candidates would be students from Hogwarts. He knew a few of the students in his own house would be more than willing to accept the 'honour'. They did not understand what awaited them and it grated Severus no end that he could not tell them the reality without losing his own position as a spy. Once you were in there was no way of truly getting out. Ever.

The bell sounded, indicating that the lesson was half way over. His attention snapped back when he saw green sparks start emitting from Dean Thomas' cauldron as the boy turned back to the desk. Swiftly he walked over and vanished the contents before it could any harm. Severus ordered him to write a two foot essay on what he had done wrong and what could have happened. It was while he was docking a healthy twenty points from the said boy's house - ineptitude in this branch of magic could not be tolerated- everything went wrong.

/\/\/\/\/\

Harry's potion was not the lilac the book dictated it should be but it was too far off either at purple. Next to him, Hermione's had already turned a glowing green colour. He put down his ladle to pick up the vials of venom and birch sap -which had to be added simultaneous- and cursed as it rolled off the desk onto the floor. He bent down to retrieve it and as he straightened…

/\/\/\/\

Severus turned to move on when he saw it. Potter's beaker of buburous pus was gliding oddly to the edge of the desk it stood on. His head whipped round as his hand plunged into his pocket, immediately settling his gaze on Draco, wand under the desk, lips murmuring. He had barely managed to pull his wand from his robes as he looked back and saw the glass container tip straight into the cauldron bubbling away next to it.

"Pott-" But it was too late.

/\/\/\/\

_BANG_

The ear-splitting explosion threw Harry backwards. He hit the wall hard and fell to the floor in a heap. He felt like he was covered in something sticky. It burned horribly.

Everybody was screaming.

/\/\/\/\/\

"Everybody shield!" Severus yelled above the dim. He cast the Impedimenta curse as quickly as he could through the thick acrid smoke in the classroom, trying to stop Granger's and the other cauldrons surrounding Potter's exploding as well. It was too late for shielding though. Almost everybody who had been near Potter was lying on the ground or clutching at limbs covered in what was no longer Searing Solution. Just as rapidly, he vanished the contents of the offending containers.

"Everybody who was not injured, wait outside," He shouted, "The rest of you, stay where you are." He cast another round of spells to clear the smoke. What he saw when it did clear, made him livid.

The desk tops were covered in an orange goo which looked like it was slowly eating through them. About ten students were on the floor in various positions, groaning, sobbing, coughing, and trying to get up. They too had varying amounts of orange gloop over them. Granger, who had made it to her feet, screamed and rushed to the back where Potter lay crumpled and inert against the far wall, covered in orange gunk.

"Harry? Harry!" The girl shouted as she shook him but apparently had no response.

_Shit _was the only word that came to Severus' mind. He felt a strange leaden feeling in his stomach as made his way quickly to the back as well. He had not had a disaster like this for years. Reaching the boy, he pulled the bushy haired girl away and laid his fingers against the boy's neck.

_Thud thud_ went the vein against his digits_. _Not dead then, thank Merlin.

Straightening, he ordered everyone who could move to go to the front and sit by his desk. He had to force Granger to move with them- she did not seem to realise the burn covering her arm from shoulder to wrist needed attention, she was so concerned for the boy.

"Leave him, he will be alright." He snapped as she tried to say something made totally incoherent by her sobs. This was no time for histrionics. At the front, he reached into desk and pulled out a large, clear vile. He quickly glanced at all the teenagers sitting about before deciding on the most capable.

"Do you know what this is, Miss Granger?" The question forced her to focus on him and not Potter.

"E-essence of Dittany?"

"Yes. I assume you know how it is used?" She nodded dumbly. "Good. Make everyone vanish what is left on them first. Then administer two drops onto their wounds. Start with yourself." With that he swept back to Potter.

/\/\/\/\/\

Harry felt hands run over his body before lifting him up and carrying him. The motion made his clothes scrape against him. It was excruciatingly painful. Vaguely he felt himself being set down. He couldn't see. Then the hands were back, running over him. He didn't want to be touched. He tried to move away but that hurt even more.

"Lie still, Potter." A voice said calmly. It sounded distant. He felt the person lift his robes and tried to fight harder, although the effort made him want to scream. A spell was muttered and burning sensation stopped. But not the pain.

The voice cursed before urgently telling him to stop moving.

"S-stop" He managed to say. His tongue felt thick in his mouth and didn't seem to want to move any more than the rest of him.

"Potter, I'm going to take your robes off." The voice said, the tone soothing.

"N-no! D-don't…" His head throbbed as he tried to move away.

"Potter! Stop moving." With that Harry felt his robes and t-shirt vanish.

/\/\/\/\/\

Severus cursed again, as he vanished what was left of Potter's clothes. The boy was covered in burns, raw and oozing. On top of that as soon as he had removed his clothes, the teenager started thrashing about, making strangled screaming noises.

"Potter, stop this now. You are hurting yourself." He said as he grabbed the boys' hands and forced him to lie back, aware that it was probably hurting the teen more. But every movement Potter made was worsening his the injuries.

"N-no p-p-please s-stop" The boy whimpered.

"Professor?" Came Granger's hesitant voice from behind him.

"Yes?" He asked, forcing himself not to snap. The girl looked uncertainly between him and the boy he was holding down.

"Everyone else is healed. Is Harry ok? Why is he fighting like that?" At her voice Harry started struggling desperately once again, trying to turn away. Severus realized the problem. He grabbed Potter's hand and put it on his amulet. Then pinned him down once more. The boy, however, calmed.

"He is disorientated. I suspected he has concussed himself. Wait with the other students. Make sure they have no potion left on them or their clothes."

"Yes sir." With one last look the girl left. Severus' attention went back to the boy.

"Potter I am going to let go now. Do not move around or I will spell you immobile." This appeared to do the trick. The boy lay still, hand still clutching the rock around his neck.

"I am going to heal you."

"H-hurts" The teen mumbled, dazed.

"I know." Severus said quietly. He pulled a smaller vial of Dittany Essence out his robe pocket. He always carried some with him. Carefully he began putting drops onto the burns, starting at the boy's torso and working up. Potter kept still until Severus tried to turn him over to finish the injuries on his back. But the threat of immobilization was enough to make the fighting cease.

"I want you to lay here, Potter, very still. I need to check the other students before they go then I need to check your head. Do you understand?" The boy nodded a bit, unfocused eyes half closed.

Severus unfolded himself from the floor where he had been kneeling and walked to the front. Granger was repairing the burn holes in everyone's robes. He looked over all the students then asked for the few that had hit their heads to wait while sending the rest off.

Then he walked into his office, took a pinch of green powder from the mantle and fire called Poppy.

/\/\/\/\/\

Harry lay thinking. His thoughts felt sluggish as he tried to pull events from the confused and hazy swirl of memory. There had been an explosion and that had made him hit his head. The sticky stuff must have been a potion gone wrong. He couldn't remember very clearly but he thought his own potion had been ok. The voice was the Potions Master's, thus Snape was the one trying to heal him then. Hermione and others had been hurt too, he guessed, by what he could hear.

The most of the pain was gone now but Harry wished his head would stop throbbing. He could hear there were other people still in the room. He felt more aware. He was conscious of the fact that all he was wearing on an old pair of jeans. He gripped his amulet tighter. He wanted his glasses: he hated not being able to see. The only thing that stopped him looking for them was the knowledge Snape would immobilize him without the slightest qualm. If he could not see very well now, at least he could move. Kind of.

He heard a door open, footsteps and then the voice of the school matron as she started asking questions about the incident and muttering charms. Harry forgot about his glasses. He didn't want the woman trying to give him a check up. He tried to sit up.

"Potter, lie down." Snape barked from across the classroom. He didn't need to be told twice. He thought his head was going to explode.

Harry heard talking and people leaving. He thought he heard Snape ask someone to send Malfoy in. Eventually Madame Pomfrey's blurry shape came into view.

"He got the brunt of it?" She asked the Potions Master as if Harry were not there.

"Yes."

"Any signs?"

"Disorientation mainly."

"Right" The mediwitch whipped out her wand and started running a diagnostic spell on Harry's head.

"Can I have my glasses?" He asked, annoyed, as she continued to prod at him. Snape looked around, picked something up and bent down to put them in his hand. Harry would have sworn there was a wry twist in the man's lips. But if there had been it was gone by the time he had put the glasses on.

"His skull is fine, I can't find any fractures. I would say just a concussion. I've done as much as possible but I suggest he take the rest of the day off. Head trauma is often very difficult to treat. He needs to come to the infirmary if he gets any headaches or dizziness." She said, clicking her tongue as she looked around. "What in the world were they brewing to make such a mess?"

"Searing Solution." Snape answered, void of emotion.

She clicked her tongue again and muttered something that sounded distinctly like "Honestly" before allowing Harry to stand up, slowly, and handing him a note she had written. With that she left.

"It is lunch now, Potter. I suggest you get something to eat then go up to your dorm." Snape said, his eyes' looking at Harry's now woundless chest and settling on the amulet. "We will have a lesson as normal this evening, 7 o'clock."

Harry had a horrible feeling he knew what the man wanted to discuss. He bent to pick up his robe and shirt, trying to avoid his professor's look. Unfortunately it was more a case of what was left of it. It seemed to have been discarded in a puddle of the goo that was dripping from everything in the vicinity of where his cauldron had been. He muttered a cleaning charm under his breath; it did little more than stop his things from smoking.

"_Repario_" He muttered. Nothing happened. He did not want to go wondering around the castle in nothing but his jeans. "_Repario_" he spoke again flicking his wand. Still nothing. His head throbbed at the effort.

Snape, who he hadn't realized was still there, arched an eyebrow. Harry flushed- it was a simple spell... The man lifted his wand and with a complicated twist, the clothes repairing themselves in his hands. Before he could say anything the Potions Master turned and swept into his office but Harry saw the blond boy sitting in front of his desk before the door closed.

* * *

At the Gryffindor table everyone seemed to know what had happened but asked the students who were there to repeat the details anyway. Harry didn't really want to talk about so he just said, repeatedly, that he couldn't really remember and let the others talk about it instead.

"Are you sure you're OK?" Hermione asked quietly as she passed him the Cornish Pasties.

"Yeah I'm fine." He said irritably around a mouthful.

"Leave him, Hermione," Ron said, as he reached for the pumpkin juice.

Hermione chewed her lip. "It's just that when Professor Snape was trying to put Essence of Dittany on you, you wouldn't stop struggling."

"Come on, Hermione!" Ron exclaimed, "Would you? If that git tried to do that to me I'd try fight him off too."

"I was a bit confused Hermione, that's all," Harry answered. "Madame Pomfrey says I concussed myself. Its common to get a bit funny after that, isn't it?" It saddened him that he couldn't tell her the truth.

"Ok, your right. It just gave me a fright that's all." The girl looked down and Harry could see she was still upset. He tried to divert her. "So what did Snape want with Malfoy?"

"I'm not sure. He was angry though. You should have seen the look on his face when Malfoy walked in. If looks could kill…"

"We'd all be dead five times over. Six times in Harry's case. He's always glaring at us." Ron finished for her, eliciting giggles from Ginny who was sitting next to them.

"Seriously though. I think Malfoy had something to do with it."

"This from the girl who said he could do nothing more than jinx me?" Harry asked incredulously. The truth be told, it was exactly what he had thought.

"Maybe I was wrong? But I mean, Harry, he could have killed you and a bunch of other people. That's going a bit far for a school rivalry."

"Dunno. Maybe he has something to prove."

"What's the note say?" Hermione asked, spotting it next to Harry's plate.

"Just says I can skip the afternoon lessons." Harry said, smiling at the envious look on Ron's face.

"You mean you are leaving me to face double Divinations alone?"

"Yip"

"Arse." Ron muttered but Harry smiled. Ron Weasley had to be the only person had to be the only person who could make him feel better by insulting him.

* * *

"What do you think you're playing at?" Severus hissed. He had managed to put aside his anger for a while but having the boy here brought it all back. He was furious. No he was far more than that. But the boy merely looked at him impassively.

"Well? Not only did you nearly kill some of your class mates, you destroyed my classroom. What do you have to say for yourself?"

"It's not that bad sir. I mean I was aiming for Potter, but who cares if it hit one or two Gryffindor idiots?" He answered carelessly.

"Potter? Draco I think you fail to grasp the seriousness of this situation" Severus said, his voice becoming steadily more waspish. "Why are you going after Potter?"

"Extra credit sir" The blond said easily.

"You wish to follow your father's footsteps?"

"Of course. Should I not want to?"

"What you wish to do is not the object of this meeting." Snape bit out acidly, " If you ever attempt to do something of this nature again, in my class you will be very, very sorry."

The boy looked at him angrily. "Why shouldn't I go after Potter? It is _his _wish is it not?"

"What _his _wishes are or are not are none of your concern. Do you think the Dark Lord needs aid from a boy who has yet to turn 16? Leave this to wizards who know what they are doing." Severus spat. The blond glared at him. He forced himself to take a breath. He could feel his magic curling around him as it did when he became exceptionally angry.

"What are you going to do?" Behind his apparently offhand attitude there was a note of apprehension.

"I am going to give you a two weeks worth of detention for insolence, pride and blatant disrespect. You will begin this lunch with my classroom." Seeing the smirk on the boy's face he added, "without magic. The rest of the week will be spent with Filch." Draco glared at him, furious.

"We could of course make it three weeks if that is what is required to make you know your place." The boy looked down but Severus could still feel his anger. "You may begin in my classroom."


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18**

Harry walked slowly down the steps leading to the dungeons. He knew he was dragging his feet, however actually getting to the classroom was not something he particularly wanted to do. He was dreading arriving. He toyed with the idea of telling Snape he felt ill from what had happened earlier but dropped it. The man would know he wasn't being honest. It was the thought of the having to answer the questions that made him feel queasy.

/\/\/\/\

Severus sat at his desk thinking. He glanced at the clock at the back of the classroom. Potter was late. He growled under his breath, irritated. The boy no doubt was going to try skive off. But as he thought it, he heard the timid knock on the door.

"Enter" he barked.

The boy opened the door and walk in apprehensively. Severus gestured impatiently for him to sit.

"You're late, Potter."

"Sorry sir." The teen mumbled, sitting on the edge of the chair, hands gripping his robes.

"Your amulet" Snape reminded him, annoyed. Potter fingered it nervously before pulling it over his head and putting in his pocket almost hastily. He stood to move to the space they usually practiced combat in. Severus almost smiled, amused; so Potter had guessed he wanted to know about the peculiar stone and was trying to avoid it.

"No Potter, I wish to talk to you first. About the amulet." He could tell from the pained expression on the boy's face as returned to his seat that he had guessed correctly. "Let me see it."

/\/\/\/\

Harry hesitated. He didn't want to give it to Snape. He didn't want to give the man the opportunity to examine it or take it away. He needed it. Snape raised an eyebrow. Harry knew if it come to a contest of wills there was no way he could win and he didn't like the idea of Snape forcing him to give it up. The man has already angry at him for being late. Reluctantly he drew it out of his pocket and set it on the desk top.

Snape picked it up and inspected it, turning it over in his hands. "What are its properties exactly?"

"It-" Harry stopped indecisively. He didn't want to say anything that might give something away. "It sort of makes you look better. Makes it look like you have no blemishes, scars, bruises, makes you look healthy, that sort of thing." Harry stamped on the impulse to snatch the amulet from the Potion Master's hands. Snape didn't look particularly impressed with the explanation.

"It works on anything?" The man asked shrewdly.

"Well, not curse scars"

"It did not hide the burns on your burns today, nor did it make your wrist look unbroken when you 'tripped' down the stairs."

/\/\/\/\

Severus had wondered rather a lot about the enchanted stone he now held. He watched Potter as he tried to answer.

"Well, sometimes… sometimes I can make things show through. I don't know how though. I mean it would have looked odd if I'd gone to the infirmary with a straight broken wrist."

"You made a mistake there." He said coolly. The boy looked at him startled.

"What?"

"In the infirmary. You may have let your wrist look broken but Madame Pomfrey thought it most odd that you had no bruises after falling down the stairs." The teen looked at him, appalled.

"Does she know? Did she tell you?" He asked panicky.

"Relax Potter." Severus said calmly, "She only told me because I asked. It is not so unusual that people with magical abilities have odd injuries. Particularly children, who are not as in control of their magic. Sit." The boy had jumped to his feet. "How did you fool Madame Pomfrey's diagnostic scans? The amulet too, I assume?"

"Yes… It makes you appear ok. So it deflects the scans and stuff." He fidgeted in the chair, uncomfortable.

"When did you buy it?" The teen merely looked at him mutely. "At the same time as the potion?" Still the boy didn't answer. Severus didn't want to force him into it.

"Why then?"

"What do you mean why?" Harry asked incredulously.

"You said you were 'mugged' in the holidays. Why would you buy something to hide the evidence of attack and go to such lengths to hide your injuries?" Snape asked. He wanted to get past the ridiculous story that the boy insisted on and get to some answers.

"I t-told you, I was e-embarrassed."

"Then why not buy healing potions from wherever you bought the Brenson's Brew?"

"I c-couldn't."

"Why not just go to the matron quietly and ask to be healed? She is bound by confidentiality unless it's life threatening."

"I didn't think it would stay c-confidential."

"So it was arrogance and vanity that led you to buy it then."

"No! I just didn't want everybody to know t-that's all. I thought I could c-cope"

"Did you go stay with the Weasley family this year, Potter?"

"W-what?" The boy asked confused at the sudden chance of tact. "N-no, why?"

"How did you buy your school supplies then?"

"I asked Ron to get them for me."

"So you could not, in effect, have bought either the potion or the amulet in the holidays."

"No, I-I did, I-"

"You're lying, Potter." He said in a quiet voice.

/\/\/\/\

Snape had snared him with words. The Potion's Master was looking at him from across the desk, amulet still in his hand. Harry knew from experience that the quieter Snape's voice got, the worse the trouble you were in. Harry remembered what the man had said about lying. He felt himself start shaking and quickly forced his hands to grip his robes so that the man wouldn't see. He took a deep breath.

"I-I'm not lying. I did buy them in the h-holidays." He wished his voice wouldn't waver so.

"Perhaps. But not the one past. You are lying by omission." Harry didn't answer. He didn't know what he could say that wouldn't dig him in deeper. "I will not warn you about lying again, Potter." He gripped his hands tighter. "The next logical question would of course be 'who did it to you?' wouldn't it Potter?" Snape asked, almost conversationally. The man's gaze seemed to pin him to the chair. He felt horribly trapped, in every sense of the word. He shook his head. He was afraid Snape might decide to force him to answer. Harry had no doubt he was capable of doing it. He desperately wanted to get out. But he knew he wouldn't get to the door before the Potion Master did. Besides which, Snape was still holding his amulet.

"It is, is it not?" The man sounded amused, almost. Harry just looked at him, trying not to let the fear that had started to bubble in his stomach show.

/\/\/\/\

Severus did not want to push the boy too hard. The mere fact the he had not tried to run from him showed that the boy had some trust in him- or had realised it would do no good. Severus rather suspected the latter.

"Either way I very much doubt you will tell me the truth even if I did ask it." Potter merely looked at him. However much the boy was trying to hide his feelings, Snape could still feel the teen's distress was mounting. He glanced at the clock. They had been talking for nearly an hour. He wondered how much more the teen could take. Not much he would guess. He placed the peculiar rock on his desk, in front of the boy.

"That is enough for tonight Potter, come tomorrow, same time."

The boy was out the classroom before he could get another word out.

* * *

Harry still felt shaky as he walked along the deserted charms corridor. He stopped to lean against the stone wall and took deep breaths. He should have refused to say anything. Snape could find the hole in any story faster than nifflers could find gold. No…refusing would have done nothing, the man would have found a way to make him: probably by threatening to tell. Or something else… Harry shivered. He did not want to make the man angry. Period.

Suddenly he heard muffled voices. He stood quickly and started to walk away as the door opposite opened to reveal Lupin and Flitwick, both looking at a sheet of parchment. Lupin looked up immediately and saw him. Too late to walk away. The man smiled warmly.

"Good evening Harry."

"Good evening professors."

"Hold on a second, Harry," The lycanthrope said as he tried to carry on walking. "Thank you, Filius, you've been a great help." Lupin said, shaking the tiny Charms teacher's hand.

"Oh always a pleasure, Remus." He said back in his squeaky voice. Bidding them both goodnight he shut the door.

"You look terrible." Lupin said, voice full of concern. "And you're shaking. Are you alright?"

"Yeah," Harry answered, forcing himself to smile. "I just had occlumency tonight, that's all." It didn't seem to matter how much he tried to avoid the man, he just kept running into him.

"Come, I'll make you some sweet tea."

Harry could think of anything he could say short of blank refusing, so resignedly he followed the man back to his office. Once inside he sat while Remus pulled out two cups and started making tea. Harry could sight of himself in the window. He looked pale, white almost, with dark smudges under his eyes. No wonder the man thought him ill.

"How's school going?" He asked as he handed Harry a plate of biscuits.

"It's been busy. Loads of homework." He said as he took his mug. "And the teaching?"

Remus smiled, "Busy. Loads of marking."

Harry smiled back and took a sip of his tea. He nearly choked it was so sugary. He still wasn't used to sweet things.

"You've been avoiding me, Harry." Lupin said gently. He kept looking at the mug so he wouldn't have to look at his teacher's eyes.

"I-" What could he say? That every time he looked at the man, all he could think about was that he had killed Sirius? Or that the man kept trying to come closer to him just pushed Harry further into his sea of guilt? He did not deserve to be here when Sirius and Cedric and all the others weren't.

"I've been busy with the homework and the extra lessons with Snape and stuff, I guess."

"Harry-" Lupin sighed, and reached to put his hand on Harry's shoulder. He forced himself to stay still. "I know this year's been tough. You keep trying to shoulder the burden alone though and it doesn't make it any easier." Harry could feel his eyes on him.

"Thanks for the tea, sir." Harry said, standing and setting the cup down. "I'll see you in class tomorrow." With that he walked to the door.

"I meant what I said Harry, about being here." Harry paused, his hand on the door knob.

"Good night Professor." He opened it and left without looking back. As he closed it he heard Lupin sighing despondently. He felt even guiltier. But he knew pushing away was the only thing that could help them. He turned and began his walk to the Tower.

* * *

I just want to thank everyone for the reviews and emails I've had concerning this story and those who have been nagging me to update. Its very warming to know that there are so many people interested in this story. If anyone is interested I am stilling looking for a beta for this story. Please email or review if you are interested. Thx


	19. Chapter 19

Authors Note: With many thanks to my new beta BookFlower for her awesome work.

**Chapter 19**

Severus stood while the stairs spiralled upwards towards Dumbledore's office. As they stopped at the top, in front of the office door, he heard voices inside: Lupin and the Headmaster by the sound of it. He didn't bother to knock and was not disappointed. The door swung open almost immediately.

"-won't even listen to me. Whenever I try to talk to him he just walks away as if I haven't said anything." The lycanthrope said exasperatedly. He was pacing in front of the fireplace. He stopped dead when he saw Severus.

"Ah Severus," Dumbledore said, "Remus and I have been discussing Harry as you, no doubt, have deduced."

"Indeed." He answered stiffly.

"What do you think? Poppy said he was involved in an incident in your class today?"

No wonder the boy had doubted the infirmary's confidentiality, Severus thought sardonically.

"There was an explosion due to ingredients being," His mouth twisted, "knocked over. It has been dealt with. No one was critically injured. As to his emotional well being, after all he has experienced, it will require time for him to come to terms with it." Lupin glanced at him, somewhat surprised at the last bit.

"Yes, I suspected as much last year." The Headmaster nodded thoughtfully. "What other news?"

Severus glanced warily across to where the DADA teacher still stood. He did not care much for others knowing his business. "There have been renewed rumours of new initiates to the Dark Lord's army and a few… incidents which incite some concern." Dumbledore must have noticed his look and his reluctance.

"Remus is just as much a member of the Order as you and I, Severus." Severus resisted the urge to say something waspish.

"The rumours suggest that the new recruits will be students." He ground out.

"It is linked to the incidents you spoke of?" Dumbledore asked, a troubled look creasing his wrinkled brow.

"I fear so."

"What did the incidents involve?"

Severus was not particularly keen on discussing his students in front of another teacher, least of all one as much a Gryffindor as the werewolf. He always respected his students' confidentiality. "With all due respect Headmaster, that is something I would rather speak of in private." The older man looked at him sharply, but Snape held his ground. Lupin watched the pair questioningly.

"Remus, if you would be so kind? Unless there is something else you wished to speak of?"

"No Headmaster." Once the other man departed, Severus began to relate his news.

* * *

Harry stood breathing heavily in the empty classroom he had been practicing in. His school robes lay in a puddle next to his school bag. He took his stance again and began to move through the new sequence that Snape had taught him. It wasn't nearly so hard when the Potions Master wasn't hovering nearby. In fact, Harry would have gone as far as to say it was actually quite relaxing, just focussing on moving with no one else around. However, being alone meant be would have to explain to Hermione and Ron where he had been for the past hour. The two seemed to be bent on keeping him in their sights and continually making sure he wasn't going to be attacked by Malfoy and co. since the Potions incident two days earlier. He decided he would just tell them he was practising occlumency, which wasn't exactly untrue. He was afraid they would insist on practicing with him if he told them it was combat.

Looking at his watch, he sighed. Dinner time. At least eating no longer made him feel sick. After that it would be another long and worrying session with the Potions Master. The man had not said anything about the amulet again but every time he looked at him, Harry felt like he was being pinned down. The man meant to find out and Harry had no idea how to stop him. He felt like it was all whirling out of his control, everything he had managed for so long.

He pulled on his robe, swung his bag over his shoulder and made his way to the Great Hall.


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter 20 **

"I trust you have been practicing occlumency?" Snape asked him tersely.

"Yes, sir."

"We will concentrate on that tonight."

Harry swallowed nervously. They hadn't had an occlumency lessons for ages. Not since Snape had found him out, and he did not relish the thought of the Potions Master delving into his thoughts again in the least. He was afraid he wouldn't be strong enough to keep him out… to hide what he needed to hide. He had not thought Snape would try finding out like this. He snapped back to attention as the man gesture for him to stand. Tensely he did so, pulling out his wand and moving behind his chair.

"On three, Potter. One. Two. _Legilimens_."

Expecting three counts, Harry was thrown off by the spell, barely managing to throw his mental shield up in time as Snape's magic crashed against it. He felt it start buckling and, panicking, he tried frantically to maintain it…

The magic withdrew suddenly before his barrier crumpled. Snape looked at him broodingly.

"You cannot lose control like that Potter. You must remain calm or you will not stand a chance."

Harry merely stared in disbelief, his stomach twisting unpleasantly. Never before had the man refrained from entering into his mind. Last year he would have gone as far as to say the man thoroughly enjoyed it.

"Again. Do not panic this time. _Legilimens._"

Harry was more prepared when the spell hit him. It tore at the barrier, seeking cracks, weaknesses, anywhere that might not hold. It felt horribly like trying to stand still in a flood. He could feel the torrent pushing on his shield, trying to make it cave… Again it began to slowly falter despite his frantic attempts to keep it up and again the magic withdrew. He took a deep breath, trying to quell his nerves.

"You have improved." Snape said coolly.

"T-thank you, sir."

"Again."

/\/\/\/\

Severus repeated the attack over and over. He expected the attempts to improve- after all he had not practiced with the boy for some time. However, each time was the same: at first Potter was fine but as soon as he started to overcome the shield, the boy would panic and it would fall apart.

"Potter, you are doing the same thing over and over." He said, trying to keep the irritation from his voice.

"S-sorry, si-"

"Do not apologize," He said, cutting the boy off. "Learn from your mistakes. What are you doing wrong?"

"I can't keep my shield up th-"

"No. That is the result of the mistake. What are you doing wrong?"

Potter looked at him uncertainly, eyes anxious and wide. "I-I-I don't know."

"Panicking, Potter. You are panicking."

"Sor-" His glare cut off the boy's words. Potter shifted his weight back uneasily.

"Calm yourself. Do not lose control if you feel your barrier being overcome. Again."

/\/\/\/\

Harry was _trying_ to stay calm. He _wanted_ to stay calm. He wanted _not_ to feel the fear that creeping into him as soon as his shield started to give. But he couldn't stop the emotions. He tried to push the thought of what would happen if Snape did break into his thoughts at bay. So far the man hadn't but it didn't mean he wouldn't. He didn't understand what Snape was playing at; did the man want him to let his guard down? Or was there some other purpose? It made him even more unsure. How could he trust the man? He wanted to stop now, but that wasn't going to be an option. He tried desperately to focus as the Potions Master readied himself for the next onslaught.

"_Legilimens._"

The spell crashed into his shield again, probing, pushing. Harry pushed back as hard as he could, afraid that this time Snape would succeed. Then it started to happen again: the slow faltering, the feeling of the other man's magic slowly overwhelming his resistance. He tried to force down the panic that was building up… He wasn't going to be able to hold it…

/\/\/\/\/

Severus hadn't anticipated it, which was rather short sighted. But Potter had seemed to be coping well enough. It all happened in an instant. Potter's shield simply vanished, leaving him to tumble gracelessly into the boy's memories- something he had intended not to do. But before he could gather himself and withdraw, he felt himself being flung roughly back, into his own mind…

/\/\/\/\

It was too much. Harry pushed as hard as he could against the intruding mind. He didn't wait to see what the man would do- he simply turned and ran blindly, knocking over his chair. He heard the professor's chair scrape back as he flew into the door, his hand fumbling desperately on the handle.

Locked.

/\/\/\/\

Severus stood, but then stayed his first impulse to chase after Potter. It would make him panic more. The boy turned back from the door, looking around wildly. He backed up against it as soon as he realised Severus had stood. Severus took a deep breath.

"Come sit down, Potter."

"O-open the d-door." Potter stammered.

"Potter," He repeated, more commandingly. But the boy just shook his head, one hand still on the handle.

Severus began to move toward him. The boy flinched back, a small, choked sound escaping his throat. Severus stopped. The child before him wasn't being wilful or defiant. Potter was afraid.

Severus moved back behind his desk and seated himself. The boy's eyes followed his every move.

"Come sit down." Still, the boy just looked at him with wide, green eyes. "I will not ask again, Potter." He said, a hard edge in his voice.

However reluctantly, the boy slowly walked back to the desk. Severus saw the hopeless resignation in his face.

/\/\/\/\

How could he have been so stupid? He knew he wasn't going to get out of it, and yet he panicked anyway. Still, he had been expecting Snape to catch him rather than the door being locked. Like it had been almost every lesson since Snape found out. But his anger towards himself was nothing compared to his fear. The Potions Master was watching him keenly, lips pursed. Harry tried to brace himself, to still the trembling. His cowardice had brought this on himself. Despite this thought, he couldn't stop the dread sending cold chills down his stomach. He pulled his chair upright and sat, waiting. The silence lengthened uncomfortably.

"Running out doesn't solve anything, Potter." The man said, regarding him steadily. Harry didn't know what to say, so he just kept quiet, looking at his hands. "It is not unusual to try to escape physically when you cannot do so mentally." The man continued calmly, eyes still boring into him. "But you did manage to deflect me, once you were desperate enough. However you must let go of the fear that I will break your shield, or you will never be able to keep your shield in the first place."

Harry sat tensely, waiting for the rebuke, but Snape merely carried on explaining, ignoring that he'd tried to run out. His nerves felt stretched, waiting for the punishment that had to be coming. But still the man didn't say anymore on it. Perhaps Snape's cruelty lay in making him wonder what would come.

"Again, Potter."

/\/\/\/\/

Potter looked up, anxiety creasing his face. Severus stood, moving to take out his wand. The boy remained seated, worry and dread emanating from him. A moment longer and the boy seemed to steel himself, standing carefully, and not looking at him. Severus could see that the fear hadn't dissipated. His guess was that Potter didn't know how to react.

Severus raised his wand slowly, wondering if it was wise to try make the boy do it again, but he kept his face impassive. He waited a moment longer.

"Be ready, Potter."

/\/\/\/\/

Harry stood, desperately trying to scrape his shield back together. Snape raised his wand, and still, he couldn't get together his thoughts. He couldn't do it, he couldn't get his shield up, he couldn't get out. Snape was going to see. He was going to see and realise and then Harry would be exposed. Harry saw, almost in slow motion, Snape's lips forming the spell, and his wand making the complicated flick. He flung himself sideways, as the spell shot past where he had just been standing, rolling into a ball where he landed, trembling, waiting…

/\/\/\/\/\

Severus stood, watching. The boy was not coping. To say the least.

"Get up, Potter."

The teen slowly uncurled, standing up, ashamed and scared.

"What, Potter, were you trying to achieve with that?"

"I'm sorry." He mumbled, looking down.

"You panicked, again." It was a statement. The boy said nothing, just continued staring down.

"Potter," Severus said quietly, as he waited until the boy looked up – not at him, never at him – but up. "If you feel you cannot cope, then you _must _tell me. It does no good to go on when you cannot."

Still the boy said nothing. Severus could see how his hands were shaking, despite the clenched fists. Clearly Potter thought he was in trouble.

"I think it would be wise to leave the occlumency for tonight." The boy looked up, relief not clearing the fear from his eyes. He began to take out his amulet. "No Potter, the lesson is not over." He said sharply. "Practice your movements for half an hour, then you may go." He turned and walked through to his office, leaving the boy unsure, standing in the middle of the classroom.

/\/\/\/\/

Harry stood, confused, as the man walked into his office, the door closing behind him. He had thought… Surely Snape would punish him. He had directly disobeyed him. Not only that, but the man hadn't tried to humiliate him: no acid comments, no angry outbursts. He didn't like this. He couldn't predict Snape. Nothing about the man was conforming to his knowledge of the Potion's Master. He looked longingly at the door. He took a shaky breath, slipping his robe off his shoulders. He was not going to chance making the man angrier, no matter how much he wanted to get out. At least Snape wasn't watching him. The thought helped calm him.

He began to move through the sequences, only half minded at first – still worrying and waiting for Snape to come back. But slowly he became more and more focussed as he progressed into the more complex moves…

/\/\/\/\/\

Severus sat at his desk, head in hands. He had a headache. Potter's emotions had been wild and vivid unless he was occluding. Even then he could still feel them, as if through water. He glanced at the door. Although he couldn't see into the classroom, the monitoring charm that was activated the moment someone opened the door, told him the boy was still there. He hadn't wanted to let the teen go just yet. He did not want him to think that panicking would help a situation. Yet conversely, Severus wanted Potter to understand that he wasn't there to hurt him. Making practice his moves had seemed like a good idea.

He reached into his desk and pulled out the list of questions he had written in the weeks before. Looking over it pensively he started to cross out the questions he had answered.

_1) Where did Potter get his amulet __and what are its properties__?_

_2) __How did he manage to hide the extent of his injuries from Pomfrey__? _

_3) Who harmed him? How long as it been going on for?_

_4) Why doesn't the boy use magic instead of trying to run away? _

5) _If Potter was attacked by a gang as he claims why is he afraid to seek help at the infirmary?_

_6) __Is Potter malnourished because he doesn't eat or is he unable to eat because he is malnourished?__ If the latter, why is he malnourished? _

Severus looked at the unanswered questions. He was no closer to answering them then he had been when he had written it out in the first place. He rubbed his temples. Regardless, he had the boy accepting some of his help. No, accepting was too strong a word, he thought sardonically – he hadn't given any alternatives. Perhaps it was time to start pushing Potter for the answers. But Severus had the feeling from long years of experience that Potter would not tell him willingly under any circumstance. While he could force the teen – it would be exceptionally easy to do so- it would do no good. It did not help for him to have the knowledge and Potter's distrust. Well, more distrust.

He glanced up at the clock. Thirty-five minutes had passed and according to his monitoring charm, the boy was still in the classroom. He had let the door unlock before he walked out the room. He wondered if Potter had merely forgotten the time, or was too afraid to leave without express permission. Ironic to think since the boy was usually desperate to get away.

/\/\/\/\/\

Harry's concentration was complete as he slid slowly from one position to the next. He could feel his muscles pulling and stretching with each move he made, the feeling not of power, but of control. There was no concept of time, or anything else, as he shifted his body. He was so focussed, in fact, that he did not hear the door open, nor the near silent whisper of Snape's robe as he walked into the classroom. He did not even see the Potions Master, standing still against the wall, watching him contemplatively.

Not until the man cleared his throat anyway.

Harry whipped round, cold chills flooding his stomach. He nearly lost his balance, arms flailing to keep from crashing to the floor. How had he let the man get that close without noticing? How ha-

"It's been an hour, Potter." The man said calmly, despite his reaction.

"W-w-what?" He stammered nonplussed. He locked his knees to stop his legs from shaking.

"You have been practicing for over an hour." The dark man said, still calm. Harry looked up in dismay. He had directly disobeyed Snape. Again. Twice in one evening. The man was going to be angry. He was go- He shoved the thoughts away, desperately trying not to panic.

"S-sorry, sir." Strong, he told himself. It didn't stop the fear rising in his throat.

/\/\/\/\/\

Severus had quietly slipped into the room. He didn't mean to do so to avoid Potter noticing him – it was merely habit.

The first thing that hit him was the sense of calm.

Complete, encompassing calm.

He watched Potter, solely focused on moving from sequence to sequence. There was no fear or anxiety. It was the first time he had seen the boy completely relaxed. He continued to watch the teen. Potter only knew five or six patterns, which he was using in different combinations – as per Severus' instructions. Yet it seemed the idea of deliberate control had finally clicked. The boy did not yet have the grace or muscle strength, but he seemed to have the understanding.

He watched for nearly ten minutes, partly just standing in the stillness- something he seldom found- and partly in the hope that the boy would notice him. He didn't want to break Potter's equanimity.

But the boy failed to do so, too engrossed in the movement. Steeling his mental barriers, Severus quietly cleared his throat.

Almost instantaneously, the air of tranquillity shattered. Potter span round, nearly losing his balance. Dread and terror battered at Severus's shield as the boy realised he was there.

"It's been as hour, Potter." He said calmly, trying to cut off the boy before he could do something stupid.

The teen looked at him in confusion, "W-w-what?"

"You have been practicing for over an hour."

"S-sorry, sir." Severus could feel it, the boy's fear building, despite the façade he was trying to stay behind.

"It is past curfew Potter, I suggest you hurry. Your next lesson will be in two days time."

"Yes, s-sir," The boy grabbed his robe as he rushed out, pulling it over his head as he went; his amulet was on before he was out the door.


End file.
